Fourteen – 02

[This post is from Thomas Merlin Ambrose’s point of view.]

Their voices followed me as I walked and I winced, knowing that whatever respite I’d hoped to garner wasn’t going to come.

“What’s going on with him?  Is it because of whoever showed up?”  Anne asked.

“Something like that,” Kailey said.  I could sense the grimace in her voice.  “It’s—it’s been a really long day.”

“Every day is long lately,” Tory said.  “There’s a weight to everything we’ve been trying to ignore for weeks.  Dad should’ve been back by now but no one’s saying it out loud.  Shit doesn’t feel quite right.  Something’s happening but we’re not talking about it.”  He paused, then added, “Especially not Lin.”

Dammit.  I just want time to sleep and think.  My limbs felt heavy.  It was like I was walking through water to my waist, slowing me down, trying to drag me under.

Was this what it was like when Mom and Dad had to deal with things?  Gods and monsters, I wish I knew for sure.  The journals said a lot, but there were things that they left unsaid—to what ends, I couldn’t be sure.  I wasn’t even sure it was strictly necessary for me to fully understand what they’d left unsaid at this point.  Maybe they’d done it on purpose.  Maybe they’d known.

Knowing them, they probably had—they’d known a lot of things they never spoke about, never told anyone.

“Lin!  Lin, wait up.”

I could hear Tory’s footsteps behind me, though I didn’t slow down—I was moving slow enough already for him to catch up easily, and if I stopped walking, I was probably not going to start again.  The weariness and pain was starting to grind me down like grain under a millstone.  It wasn’t a pleasant feeling by any stretch.

Did you live with this, Mom and Dad?  Was this every day  of your lives?

Is it still this now?

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