{"id":1044,"date":"2012-02-01T00:00:22","date_gmt":"2012-02-01T05:00:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/?p=1044"},"modified":"2012-01-31T09:48:13","modified_gmt":"2012-01-31T14:48:13","slug":"autumn-chapter-3-marin-02","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/?p=1044","title":{"rendered":"Autumn – Chapter 3 – Marin – 02"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cCarolyn?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>J.T. said you were looking for me.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>She was sitting out by the well, not looking at all like she\u2019d been trying to find me.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Her brow was furrowed and she stared out into the dim of gathering evening, at the lights slanting off what was left of windows and glass after weeks of earthquakes.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI\u2019m not sure I\u2019m ready for this,\u201d she said as I came up behind her.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI don\u2019t know what I\u2019m doing.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cNone of us are really sure about what we\u2019re doing,\u201d I said, squeezing onto her perch with her.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI don\u2019t even know that <\/span>Phelan<\/span><\/em> is sure about what he\u2019s doing, and that says a lot, doesn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>She snorted humorlessly.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cIf he doesn\u2019t know what he\u2019s doing, he fakes it really, really well.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>After a moment of silence, she sighed and looked at me.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cThen again, so do you and Kel.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I smiled wryly.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cOh, you noticed, huh?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Carolyn cracked a smile.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cJust a little.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>The smile faded and she sighed softly.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cThat doesn\u2019t help much, though.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I wish it did.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Maybe I\u2019m just terrified.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cJust like the rest of us,\u201d I murmured, patting her knee.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cBut we can\u2019t let that fear stop us from doing what needs to be done.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cAssuming we\u2019re right about what needs to be done.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I shrugged. <\/span>\u00a0<\/span>\u201cAssuming that, yes.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I don\u2019t have any better ideas at the moment, though, and do you really think that blessing the ground we\u2019ve buried our dead in is a bad idea?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>They did it for at least two thousand years before us.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Either it means something, or it means nothing.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Either way, I\u2019m willing to go along with it.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI guess I am, too,\u201d she said.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cNot that I was ever really <\/span>against<\/span><\/em> it in the first place.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m just scared.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>After a momentary pause, she added, \u201cOf everything.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Her hands curled into fists.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI thought when Phelan came, maybe J.T. would stop having those dreams.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cHe hasn\u2019t?\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I asked, feeling my heart begin to beat a little faster.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>J.T.\u2019s dreams of a long-forgotten past were our only outside link to Phelan\u2019s actual identity, our only window into his true purpose here.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>While I was willing to trust the strange man with my life, that didn\u2019t mean I was any less curious about his past.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>He only spoke of that in offhand snippets and hints.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Carolyn shook her head slightly.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cThey\u2019re starting to seem more and more like your visions.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>They come whether he wants them to or not.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Whether I want them to or not.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>She swallowed hard.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cThe mists that day, Marin.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>He said they were the ghosts of our dead.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>The ones that are buried out there by the theatre.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>He<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>dreams of the past and he sees ghosts.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>How am I supposed to handle that?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 She acts like it\u2019s her burden to carry.<\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>I just stared at her for a moment.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cCarolyn, no one says you have to.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cIf I love him, I do,\u201d she said, voice quiet but firm as she met my eyes.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cEven if I didn\u2019t, I still do.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>He loves <\/span>me<\/span><\/em>, and I can\u2019t look at him and tell him that he\u2019s scaring me.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Not yet, maybe not ever.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>But not yet.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I took a quick, shallow breath, trying to gather my thoughts as quickly as I might.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cDo you want me to talk to him about it?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cNo, that\u2019s not why I was looking for you.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>She scrubbed a hand over her eyes.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cHell, even this wasn\u2019t why I was looking for you.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>It just hit me when I sat down out here how terrified I am that we\u2019re going to somehow screw up and break something.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I guess you\u2019re right, though, we can\u2019t break anything worse than it\u2019s already broken.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well, no, we can certainly make things worse, but we probably wouldn\u2019t know we\u2019d done that until well after the fact.<\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>I struggled to keep my expression impassive.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>If she noticed the struggle, she didn\u2019t say anything.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cMaybe.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Why were you looking for<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>me?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cKellin.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And Tala.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>They\u2019ve both been acting a little weird.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And then there\u2019s your brother, suddenly all interested in building some kind of forge.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Do you know what\u2019s going on?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWell, Matt was making noises about that a week ago.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>As for why he\u2019s suddenly all gung-ho about it, I\u2019m not really sure.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>But it\u2019s a project that he\u2019s working on with Thom and Phelan, so I\u2019m really not that inclined to complain about it as long as they keep playing nice with each other.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I leaned back slightly, fighting to keep my balance on the rock.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI think Tala\u2019s missing Kurt pretty hard right now.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I can\u2019t say any more than that without breaking confidences, and you know me.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Carolyn laughed weakly and shook her head.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cIt must be pretty serious if you\u2019re keeping your mouth shut.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I tapped my nose with a grin, which faded as I thought about Kellin.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cAnd Kel\u2019s just a mess.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I don\u2019t know what to do to help her or even if we can.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Phelan said something about her being out of sorts because of what happened to her, and I\u2019m not sure he\u2019s wrong.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I think maybe she thinks she should be dead and she feels guilty because she\u2019s not, because Jac managed to save her.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cIt\u2019s kind of stupid,\u201d Carolyn said.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cShe should be happy she\u2019s alive.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>We\u2019re the lucky ones, right?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I made a soft noise.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Sometimes, I wondered.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Her hand brushed my knee.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWe <\/span>are<\/span><\/em>, Mar.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Even with all of my personal fears and doubts, I know that for a fact.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I nodded and mustered up a smile, rocking to my feet.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cYeah, well.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>We\u2019d better get going if we want to wolf down some food before this hike, and I have to give Matt one last chance to try to talk me out of this.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cHe doesn\u2019t want you to go?\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Carolyn frowned in the half-light as she stood up and dusted off the seat of her jeans.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI think he\u2019s on the fence about the whole affair,\u201d I said as we began to walk.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>She threw her arm around my shoulders.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWell, I guess we\u2019ll just have to convince him that there\u2019s no harm in it.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And if he won\u2019t relent, I think Longfellow can help distract him long enough for us to get away.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I laughed, looking around briefly for the glimmers of brown, green, and blue that signaled her tiny companion\u2019s presence.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWhere is he, anyway?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cBy the fire, of course, where it\u2019s <\/span>warm<\/span><\/em>.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Carolyn gave me a little hug.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWe\u2019re going to have to bundle up or we\u2019ll be frozen fish sticks by the time we get back.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Clear night tonight.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I glanced at the sky and nodded.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cIt might just be the best kind of night for this,\u201d I said softly.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cYou think so?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cHope so, anyway.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Come on.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Let\u2019s eat.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cCarolyn?\u00a0 J.T. said you were looking for me.\u201d \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 She was sitting out by the well, not looking at all like she\u2019d been trying to find me.\u00a0 Her brow was furrowed and she stared out into the dim of … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[38,35,41,39],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1044","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-autumn","category-book-2","category-chapter-3","category-year-one"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EBlN-gQ","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1044","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1044"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1044\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1045,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1044\/revisions\/1045"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1044"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1044"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1044"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}