{"id":1198,"date":"2012-04-25T00:00:21","date_gmt":"2012-04-25T04:00:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/?p=1198"},"modified":"2012-04-24T10:38:04","modified_gmt":"2012-04-24T14:38:04","slug":"autumn-chapter-9-01","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/?p=1198","title":{"rendered":"Autumn – Chapter 9 – 01"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cMarin?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Marin! We\u2019ve got a problem.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I jerked upright, turning away from the ward that Kellin and I had just finished with.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Thom, a few feet behind me, stiffened and turned toward Rory as I got up, brushing the mud from the knees of my jeans.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Kellin sat back against her heels, her brows knitting, but she stayed quiet for the moment, face pale and drawn with the effort of resetting the shattered ward.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I asked, heart starting to thud a little faster even as it felt like a leaden weight in my chest.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Did some get through, get deeper than we thought?\u00a0 <\/span>Is someone hurt?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>How could we have <\/span><\/em>missed<\/span> something like that?<\/span><\/em><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cIt\u2019s Leah,\u201d Rory said, his expression strange.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cShe\u2019s gone.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Thom blurted, swaying on his feet.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I put a hand out to steady him, realizing that he really shouldn\u2019t still be up.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cHow did <\/span>that<\/span><\/em> happen?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Wasn\u2019t someone supposed to be guarding her?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Rory shook his head, looking between Thom, Kellin, and I.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cSomeone was until he got pulled to fill a gap on the second ring.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Brandon said that she was still unconscious when he left to help with the defenses, and tied up the way that we left her.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cThat\u2019s not suspicious at all,\u201d Kellin said quietly.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cYou\u2019d better have a look, Marin.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I grunted.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cIs anything missing, Rory?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cThat\u2019s where it gets stranger.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>It doesn\u2019t look like there\u2019s anything gone.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Just <\/span>her<\/span><\/em>.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>My heart skipped a beat and my throat tightened.<\/span>\u00a0 Did she run, or was she <\/em><\/span>taken<\/span>?\u00a0 <\/span>If she was taken, how did something slip through the wards to do that?<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cKel, do you think you could walk the line and make sure that we didn\u2019t lose another ward somewhere?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI think I\u2019ve got enough gas left in the tank for that,\u201d she said dusting off her knees as she stood up.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWhat\u2019re you going to do?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWhat do you think?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m going to go give everyone else marching orders.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>If Leah\u2019s still in camp, we have to find her.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cAnd if she\u2019s not?\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Thom asked.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWhat then?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I hesitated, my common sense at war with itself and my morals.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI think we have to send some people to find her,\u201d I finally said.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Thom asked.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cShe tried to kill Phelan.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>If you\u2019re right and she was the one who fucked with the wards a few weeks back, she almost got us <\/span>all<\/span><\/em> killed when the Shadow Man brought his little army into camp and tried to wipe us off the face of the earth.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Let her run. \u201c<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I shook my head slowly.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cShe knows things about how we\u2019ve laid out camp, about where we get our food, our water.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cSo we get the walls up, make them strong.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>We change our habits.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Thom took my face in his hands.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWe\u2019re better off with her gone, Mar.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>If she\u2019s run, let her run.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Rory cleared his throat.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>We both looked at him.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>He shrugged slightly.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cFor what it\u2019s worth, I think he\u2019s right.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Maybe she ran because she\u2019s scared.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Maybe if she gets far enough away, she\u2019ll snap their hold on her.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>The voices.\u00a0 <\/span>If I thought they were geographical, I\u2019d run, too.<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>I squeezed my eyes shut.<\/span>\u00a0 Except she\u2019s going to go out there into the world and quite possibly die of starvation and exposure\u2014assuming that running was her choice in the first place\u2014and that\u2019ll be on our heads and no one else\u2019s.<\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cAll right,\u201d I said, hoping that I\u2019d be able to look at my own reflection someday and not see guilt etched there, \u201cyou guys win.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Thom\u2019s arm slid around my shoulders and he squeezed me tightly.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I tried not to slump into the embrace, opting to yank myself upright instead.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Kellin made eye contact with me as she started to walk away, along the ward-line, giving me a brief, almost imperceptible nod.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Thanks for the vote of confidence, Kel, but you guys thinking I\u2019m doing the right thing doesn\u2019t do a goddamned thing for my conscience.<\/em><\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cLet\u2019s have a look,\u201d I said, suppressing a sigh.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cMaybe she\u2019s left something behind to tell us what she\u2019s done and why.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Thom and Rory exchanged a look.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Rory shrugged and Thom shrugged back.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I shot them both a baleful glare and started walking toward the storage tent.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Thom tried to hand me my staff and I shook my head firmly.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cNo, you hang onto that and use it if you\u2019re not going to go sit.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Keep as much weight off your ankle as you can.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cIt\u2019s almost healed,\u201d he said.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cAlmost isn\u2019t healed,\u201d I countered.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Don\u2019t take this out on him.\u00a0 <\/span>He doesn\u2019t deserve it.<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>I set my jaw.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>This decision is on you\u2014they made it yours.\u00a0 <\/span>You\u2019re going to have to live with it.<\/span><\/em><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>So why can\u2019t I just change my mind?<\/span><\/span><\/em>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Because it wouldn\u2019t be the right thing to do,<\/span><\/em> I reminded myself.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>That\u2019s why.\u00a0 <\/span>The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>They\u2019re right.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Even if she\u2019s run and survives to tell anyone about us here, we can still be ready for them.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>We can plan for that eventuality.<\/span><\/em><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Thom caught my hand and squeezed tightly.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWhat I wouldn\u2019t give for a clear-cut answer,\u201d I muttered.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>He squeezed my hand again.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWelcome to the new world, now with shades of gray,\u201d he whispered.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I sighed.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Black and white and shades of gray.\u00a0 <\/span>Why did I ever think that things would get easier instead of harder?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Because I\u2019m a stupid idealist who dared to dream that maybe, just maybe, we\u2019d be able to see more clearly the lines between right and wrong, good and evil.<\/span><\/em><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>But there\u2019s no such thing\u2014there\u2019s only bright white, darkest black, and shades of gray.<\/span><\/span><\/em>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Many, many shades of gray.<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cMarin?\u00a0 Marin! We\u2019ve got a problem.\u201d \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I jerked upright, turning away from the ward that Kellin and I had just finished with.\u00a0 Thom, a few feet behind me, stiffened and turned toward Rory as I got up, brushing … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[38,35,47,14,39],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1198","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-autumn","category-book-2","category-chapter-9-book-2","category-story","category-year-one"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EBlN-jk","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1198","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1198"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1198\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1199,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1198\/revisions\/1199"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1198"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1198"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1198"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}