{"id":1281,"date":"2012-06-27T00:00:42","date_gmt":"2012-06-27T04:00:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/?p=1281"},"modified":"2012-06-25T21:58:47","modified_gmt":"2012-06-26T01:58:47","slug":"winter-chapter-15-04","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/?p=1281","title":{"rendered":"Winter – Chapter 15 – 04"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>My fingers fell away from his arm and he started walking again, toward the bridge.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I watched him for a few moments in stunned silence.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>What\u2019s he talking about?\u00a0 <\/span>A reckoning?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Losing everything to balance the sheets?<\/span><\/em><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cPhelan, wait.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>He stopped walking this time, letting me catch up to him before he started walking again.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>His knuckles were white around the staff in his hand.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I sucked in a breath.<\/span>\u00a0 Damn.<\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>His whole posture was strange\u2014gone was the usual relaxed, easy-going Phelan, replaced by someone else.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>His shoulders were tight, as if someone had screwed his muscles into a knot.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>His jaw was tight, face all sharp angles\u2014though the hardness of his jaw, the set of it let me see more than a small passing resemblance to Thom in his features that I\u2019d never really noticed before.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Fine lines around his eyes and mouth deepened with his apparent stress and worry and when I put my hand on his arm it was like touching a block of wood.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>He flinched slightly away from my touch, then sighed, some of the tension draining from him as we walked out onto the bridge.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>He looked at me sidelong, gaze tired and haunted.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI don\u2019t want to talk about it,\u201d he said quietly.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cBut you need to,\u201d I responded, fingers tightening around his arm.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Phelan sighed as we walked to the center of the bridge and stopped there, staring out over the ravine.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Water tumbled over the rocks far below us, light splashing through the dying leaves and bare branches to dapple the valley below.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cSomeone really wise told me that you shouldn\u2019t bottle things up because you\u2019ll rot out inside.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>He snorted softly.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWho told you that?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I shrugged.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cDon\u2019t really remember.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019s not important, since it\u2019s true.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I ruffled his hair gently.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cNow talk to me.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Why are you so upset?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cJust what you want to do tonight, risking <\/span>her<\/span><\/em> appearance.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019s a risk and I\u2019m afraid to take it.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Phelan leaned against the railing, his jaw tightening again and his eyes distant.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cIs it so difficult to think that maybe I\u2019m not ready to settle accounts?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019ve watched enough of the people I love die, Marin.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Can you blame me if I don\u2019t want to watch that happen to you and Jameson and Thomas and Matthew and all the rest?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI thought that\u2019s why you were here,\u201d I said quietly, leaning against the rail next to him.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cTo make sure that didn\u2019t happen to us.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>He rested his forehead against the chilly metal that separated us from the drop down to the ravine floor.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI don\u2019t know if I can,\u201d he whispered.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI don\u2019t know if I can protect you, <\/span>le\u00e1nnan<\/span><\/em>, and that scares the hell out of me.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Oh, Phelan.<\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>I slid my arm around his shoulders, squeezing him against me.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWe never asked for that,\u201d I said.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>A shiver wracked him. \u201cYou didn\u2019t have to.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Blood of my blood, bone of my bone.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I belong to you as surely as all of you belong to me.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Call it patriarchal instinct.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Or are you going to gainsay me that?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cThat depends.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cOn what?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I stared at him for a long moment, then reached over and ruffled his hair.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cHow crazy you\u2019ll make yourself if I don\u2019t tell you to knock it off.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>You don\u2019t have to protect us.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Guide us, maybe.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Tell us when we\u2019re about to do something stupid, definitely.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>But you\u2019re not our guardian angel, Phelan, and nothing that happens to us is your fault.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Never forget that.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>His eyes squeezed shut and he exhaled a shaky breath.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cThank you, <\/span>le\u00e1nnan<\/span><\/em>.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>He sighed.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cDamn, but you sound like her.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Again.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>A smile ghosted across his lips even as a tear escaped from one eye to trickle down his cheek.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cBrighid would have seen a great deal of herself in you.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cYou must have some pretty strong memories of her to keep talking about her the way you do,\u201d I said, rubbing his spine gently.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cMmph.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>He rested his chin on the rail, staring at bare branches mingling with autumn leaves still stubbornly clinging to the trees.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cYou and Thom remind me of her and Finn.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And your brother\u2026I see glimmers of Ciar in him.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Sometimes I feel like my past and my present are blending into one great big tapestry where I can\u2019t tell the beginning of one thread from the end of another.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019ll pass eventually, I\u2019m sure.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>If it doesn\u2019t\u2026\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>His voice trailed away.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I shivered this time.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>If it doesn\u2019t, I\u2019m not sure what it means.\u00a0 <\/span>Something good?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Something bad?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Nothing?<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>I caught my lip between my teeth for a bare moment.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Is everything really doomed to repeat itself?\u00a0 <\/span>Has everything really happened before, only to happen again?<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>I couldn\u2019t remember where I\u2019d encountered the turn of phrase, but it was always enough to send shivers down my spine.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI don\u2019t mean to scare you, <\/span>le\u00e1nnan<\/span><\/em>,\u201d Phelan said.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI know,\u201d I murmured, leaning against his shoulder for a moment.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>His eyes slid shut as he rested his head against mine.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cBut it\u2019s better you talk to me, right?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Instead of keeping it all inside?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cAye,\u201d he said in a bare whisper.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cAye, it is.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>He straightened slightly, looking at me sidelong.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cYou know that you\u2019re not supposed to have to do this for me.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Your husband, maybe.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Your brother.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>But me?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWho else could, Phelan?\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I asked softly.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cIt\u2019s me or Kellin, and she\u2019s got her hands full with everything and everyone else.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>She leaves me my boys\u2014and you\u2019re one of them, I guess.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>A weak chuckle escaped him and he stared out at the ravine again.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI suppose so.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Can you forgive my crises of faith?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cCrises?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>More than one?\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I ruffled his hair.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI only counted one.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>This time he really laughed, and I watched light return to his eyes.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>My heart lightened and I squeezed him gently.<\/span>\u00a0 Thank the powers that be.<\/em><\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>A howl split the air and we both froze.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>A wolf?\u00a0 <\/span>Here?<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWas that a–?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI didn\u2019t think you had those here,\u201d he said in the same breath.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I tugged his arm.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cLet\u2019s get back.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>See if anyone else heard it.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Someone else must have heard it.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cYeah,\u201d he said, his voice a little shaky now.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cYeah, let\u2019s do that.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>We beat feet back camp.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 My fingers fell away from his arm and he started walking again, toward the bridge.\u00a0 I watched him for a few moments in stunned silence. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What\u2019s he talking about?\u00a0 A reckoning?\u00a0 Losing everything to balance the sheets? \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[35,54,14,52,39],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1281","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-book-2","category-chapter-15","category-story","category-winter","category-year-one"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EBlN-kF","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1281","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1281"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1281\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1283,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1281\/revisions\/1283"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1281"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1281"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1281"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}