{"id":1330,"date":"2012-08-01T00:00:08","date_gmt":"2012-08-01T04:00:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/?p=1330"},"modified":"2012-07-31T09:05:22","modified_gmt":"2012-07-31T13:05:22","slug":"winter-chapter-17-05","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/?p=1330","title":{"rendered":"Winter – Chapter 17 – 05"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI want to know where you get off thinking you can lie to me after we\u2019ve been honest with each other for so long so far, Phelan.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>The muscles of his shoulders bunched as my words caught up with him that afternoon, long after our early morning conversation with Thom and Daniel.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Phelan was heading toward the forge, where my brother and Davon were working on a roof.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>His back ramrod-straight, he turned slowly back toward me, brows knitting.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cYou can\u2019t tell me that we\u2019ve been entirely honest, Marin.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>His tone was neither accusing nor angry; it was sad.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cThere are always secrets.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI haven\u2019t kept any from you,\u201d I said.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cAnd secrets aren\u2019t flat-out lies anyway.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Why did you lie to us?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWhat did I lie to you about?\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>He asked.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I rolled my eyes.<\/span>\u00a0 Really?<\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cDragon. <\/span>\u00a0<\/span>You know something about him, something you don\u2019t want to tell us.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Why?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>A muscle in his jaw twitched and he stared at the gray sky, at the clouds that raced, promising more snow later this morning.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cRemember what I told you once about fear, Marin?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>He\u2019s afraid?\u00a0 <\/span>Why is he afraid?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span><\/em>I rocked back against my heels.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Now I really want to know whatever he knows.\u00a0 <\/span>This doesn\u2019t make any sense.<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cPhelan\u2014\u201c<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>He held up his hand and sighed, shaking his head.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cNever mind it.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m sorry.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>You\u2019re right.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>At some point, I\u2019m going to have to stop trying to protect all of you from everything I know and fear.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>His lips compressed into a line until he blew out a breath.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>With that breath, he seemed to exhale some of the tension that had gripped him.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cDragon.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cYes,\u201d I said, stepping closer and lowering my voice.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cDragon.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>His gaze returned to the sky, his lips barely moving as he spoke and his words almost torn away by the light wind slowly kicking up.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cTeague saw a man by that name rising here after\u2026after the asteroid.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>He would struggle, would try to bring hope in the darkness\u2014like all of you here\u2014but the true leader and hero would be his son, long after the father had vanished.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Phelan\u2019s hands curled into fists.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cHe saw that much, but wouldn\u2019t say more.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Every time I asked to talk about it, he\u2019d refuse.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>He just\u2026I don\u2019t know, Marin.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>He never wanted to talk about it.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Acted like it was <\/span>dangerous<\/span><\/em> to talk about it.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Why the hell would it be dangerous to talk about something like that?<\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>Even as I asked myself the question, I began to realize the possibilities.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI imagine if Teague ever met the man, he wouldn\u2019t warn him about this supposed destiny of his, would he?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Phelan\u2019s brows knit again for a moment, then he sighed.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cNo, I suppose he wouldn\u2019t.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019d be surprised if he did.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Momentarily, Phelan looked like he wanted to punch something, then the moment passed and he just seemed tired again.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cThat\u2019s Teague, though.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m not my cousin.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cNo,\u201d I agreed quietly as I took his hand.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cYou\u2019re not.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I squeezed his knuckles and smiled weakly.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI\u2019m sorry I came after you like this, but\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cIt\u2019s all right.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>He shook his head.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI needed it, in a strange way.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Every time I try to protect all of you, you guys just keep finding ways to remind me that you\u2019re capable of taking care of yourselves\u2014with a little help.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>A wry smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cSpeaking of a little help, I promised your brother I\u2019d help with that roof over there.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Jameson said I should be all right as long as I don\u2019t fall <\/span>off<\/span><\/em> the roof.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I squeezed his hand again and let go.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI won\u2019t keep you from it.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Go on.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>He smiled at me as he turned away and continued up the hill.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I shoved my hands into the pockets of my sweatshirt and headed back down toward the main tent, where Thom would undoubtedly be with his maps and sketches.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I waved to Tala as I passed the meat smokers and she waved back.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>She glanced sidelong at one of them before she half walked, half jogged away, toward me.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I stopped and waited for her to catch up, wincing.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>It was still early in her pregnancy and she was already huge.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>She poked me in the ribs as she joined me.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI saw that wince.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>What was that for?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I shook my head.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cRunning can <\/span>not<\/span><\/em> be comfortable for you right now.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cEh.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Tala shrugged.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cIt\u2019s not, but sometimes it has to be done.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Thanks for waiting for me.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Are you headed back to the main tent?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cYeah, to see what everyone else is up to.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Why, do you need something?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cJust some water.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Mind if I walk with you?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cNot at all.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>We fell into step together as we headed back toward the main tent, her steps a little shorter than mine.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Despite how round her belly was, she still moved pretty well.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I glanced at her sidelong.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cDid we ever figure out when it happened?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cThis?\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>She pointed to her belly.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cNo, not precisely.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>We think maybe June or July, but it\u2019s hard to know.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Without ultrasound or anything like that, the techniques we\u2019ve got to work with are positively medieval.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m not sure what we\u2019d be doing if Jac hadn\u2019t taken that one class, you know?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I wasn\u2019t sure what class Tala was talking about, but I decided it was probably safer not to ask.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I had little doubt that it was probably a midwifery class or something in the school of nursing.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cShould you really be\u2026well\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cThis huge at four or five months in?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>No, probably not.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Jac\u2019s a little worried, but I decided what\u2019s the point in getting terrified?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>We won\u2019t know anything for a little while still.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Maybe I\u2019m wrong.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Maybe it happened sooner and that\u2019s why I\u2019m already as big as a flipping house.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>She blushed a little.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cNot that I\u2019m not pretty big to start out with.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>That probably has something to do with it.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I snorted.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cSomehow, I don\u2019t think that\u2019s entirely the case.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Our shoes crunched against gravel and fallen leaves, snow that had melted down and refrozen again into ice.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWhat if it\u2019s more than one?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cYou mean like twins?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Fuck if I know, Mar.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m still not sure how I\u2019m going to handle <\/span>one<\/span><\/em>, let alone more than one at the same time.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Her eyes focused distantly for a moment before she shook herself.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cAt least I\u2019ll have all of you guys to lean on.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>And help with the walking and the bathing and the changing.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>The feeding not so much, but something tells me that won\u2019t be a problem.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 How does she know that?<\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>My nose wrinkled, but I didn\u2019t ask the question, changing the subject instead.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cHow do our food supplies look?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWe should have enough,\u201d she said.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cIt\u2019s looking okay.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>If we can bag some more game, we\u2019ll be in even better shape.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>The cereals and everything seem like they\u2019ll keep, and we actually got a surprising amount of produce that we\u2019ve managed to find ways to preserve for the winter.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m not sure how those little greenhouses are going to end up working out, but they seem like they\u2019re doing okay so far.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>She canted her head to one side.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cCome to think of it, I should check with Professor Doyle on that.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Get an update on how they\u2019re doing.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cThat might be a good idea,\u201d I said.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cNever know when we\u2019re going to need them\u2014or how bad this winter\u2019s going to be.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>The memory of an earlier vision came to mind, of figures clustered around a fire, the sound of someone laying bricks in the background.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>A shiver shot down my spine.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Had we already changed that future?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>To a degree, I suspected we had, but it would still be a long, cold winter.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Unless that vision wasn\u2019t of this first winter, but some later winter after something really, really terrible has happened.<\/em><\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cYou okay?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cYeah,\u201d I said, chafing my hands over my arms.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI\u2019m fine.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Just a little chill, that\u2019s all.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cYou sure?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cPositive.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>My thoughts returned to Thom\u2019s suggestion that we start writing down our visions.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I was still wondering what actual purpose it would serve, but even as I wondered, it started to sound more and more like a good idea.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Just in case.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>In case of <\/span>what<\/span><\/em>, I wasn\u2019t quite sure.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Then again, I wasn\u2019t sure that I <\/span>wanted<\/span><\/em> to be.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI want to know where you get off thinking you can lie to me after we\u2019ve been honest with each other for so long so far, Phelan.\u201d \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The muscles of his shoulders bunched as my words caught up … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[35,56,14,52,39],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1330","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-book-2","category-chapter-17","category-story","category-winter","category-year-one"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EBlN-ls","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1330","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1330"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1330\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1331,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1330\/revisions\/1331"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1330"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1330"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1330"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}