I began walking the wards every day after the day I collapsed while working them.\u00a0 There was nothing else I could do and feel useful<\/i>.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t fix anything that was going wrong\u2014except for\u00a0 making sure our wards were as strong as we could make them, all the while counting the days and bracing for Midwinter Eve to come.\u00a0 Midwinter Eve, when Cariocecus\u2014the Shadow Man\u2014had promised us he\u2019d return.<\/p>\n
We started working on a gate the very next morning.\u00a0 No one was willing to risk the giant gap anymore, not after the firbolg and then the Dirae<\/i>.<\/p>\n
Walls that you can\u2019t see, only feel, don\u2019t always make people feel safe.<\/p>\n
I was watching them work on that gate when Carolyn found me one afternoon, a few days after the night our little band had turned back the Dirae<\/i>.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t say anything, just came and stood next to me, watching in silence as Drew, Jack, and Greg fit two-by-fours together to build the heavy gate.\u00a0 Up at the forge, Matt, Phelan, and Thom were working on iron bands for those gates, to reinforce then, make them heavier, more dangerous to some of the monstrous things we might have to face.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow\u2019s Jay?\u201d\u00a0 I asked her after a moment of silence.\u00a0 I felt something settle on my shoulder, something I couldn\u2019t see.\u00a0 Longfellow, probably.<\/i><\/p>\n
Carolyn drew a ragged breath and sighed quietly.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t even know anymore,\u201d she whispered.\u00a0 \u201cI can\u2019t tell if there\u2019s a change or not.\u00a0 He sleeps.\u00a0 He hallucinates.\u00a0 Sometimes he talks to me, tells me things that I don\u2019t know that I can or should repeat.\u00a0 But mostly, he sleeps.\u00a0 I can\u2019t tell if the fever\u2019s better or worse.\u00a0 It\u2019s so hard.\u201d<\/p>\n
I put my arm around her and squeezed her close.\u00a0 \u201cAre you<\/i> okay?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d she said, tears welling up along the rims of her eyes.\u00a0 She took a deep breath, seeming to steady for a moment.\u00a0 \u201cBut showing it isn\u2019t going to do anyone any good, so I\u2019ve got to pretend that I\u2019m fine\u2014that everything\u2019s going to be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEverything will<\/i> be fine,\u201d I told her quietly.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ve all come too far for someone to die of a little scratch.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s hot to the touch,\u201d she said quietly.\u00a0 \u201cAnd it\u2019s oozing this\u2026this gross stuff.\u201d<\/p>\n
I frowned a little.\u00a0 I hadn\u2019t been privy to the details of what the Dirae<\/i>\u2019s claws could do, but it certainly sounded unpleasant.\u00a0 \u201cDid it just get to be too much?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJacqueline\u2019s looking in on him,\u201d Carolyn said.\u00a0 \u201cShe told me I should go out and try to get some air.\u00a0 She said I looked like I could use it.\u00a0 She was right.\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded and squeezed her again.\u00a0 \u201cYou want to take a walk?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI could probably use that, too,\u201d she breathed, then shivered.\u00a0 \u201cAre we going to stay in camp?\u00a0 Just in case?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t go much beyond the borders anymore,\u201d I admitted.\u00a0 With the depth of snow in the area, it was getting harder and harder to move around even inside<\/i> of camp, let alone beyond it where we rarely tread.\u00a0 There was a path down to the greenhouse nestled a few hundred yards from the ward-lines, tucked up against the crumbling sciences building, but beyond that, there really weren\u2019t any paths away from camp.\u00a0 Even the sheep and horses stuck close to home these days, munching quietly on the fodder we\u2019d gathered before the weather fouled it all.<\/p>\n
Carolyn nodded slightly.\u00a0 \u201cYou know, Jay wanted to go out to the barrows,\u201d she said softly as we walked away from the gateway, along the wall and southward toward the ravine.\u00a0 \u201cAfter the we did\u2026whatever the hell we\u2019re going to do to make Cariocecus go away.\u00a0 He wanted to go out to the barrow and honor the dead we\u2019d buried there.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAgain?\u201d\u00a0 I asked before I could stop myself.\u00a0 She laughed a short, quiet, bitter little laugh.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, that\u2019s what I said.\u00a0 I told him it was too cold.\u00a0 He said that he knew it, but it\u2019s the dying time of the year, and we should always find time to honor the dead whenever we\u2019re celebrating being alive.\u201d\u00a0 Her lips thinned.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s starting to scare me a little, Mar.\u00a0 But I just love him so much\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know, Care,\u201d I said.\u00a0 \u201cThom scares me sometimes, too.\u201d\u00a0 Not quite like that, though.\u00a0 Wow.\u00a0 Maybe the whole seeing dead people thing is affecting him more than I thought it might.<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know what I\u2019ll do if he dies, Mar.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJay isn\u2019t going to die, Care.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow do you know?\u201d she asked, almost demanding.<\/p>\n
I pointed to myself.\u00a0 \u201cHas visions.\u00a0 He\u2019s in them.\u201d<\/p>\n
She exhaled a shaky breath.\u00a0 \u201cThey\u2019re not always right, though.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s in too many for me to be wrong, Care,\u201d I said, injecting as much confidence as I could into my voice.\u00a0 In the back of my head a tiny voice was screaming that she\u2019d never forgive me if I was wrong.<\/p>\n
I\u2019d better not be wrong.\u00a0 Don\u2019t you dare make a liar out of me, Jameson Thaddeus MacKenzie.\u00a0 Don\u2019t you dare.<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019ll be fine,\u201d I said firmly.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ll see.\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019ll be fine.\u00a0 So with Cameron.\u00a0 Everyone will be fine.<\/i><\/p>\n
And we\u2019ll beat Cariocecus\u2019s ass into the dust and go on with life.\u00a0 Because that\u2019s what we do.\u00a0 Kick ass, take names, lick our wounds, and go on with life.<\/i><\/p>\n
Life.<\/i><\/p>\n
He\u2019ll make it.\u00a0 We all will.<\/i><\/p>\n
The queasy feeling in my stomach reminded me that there was the distinct possibility that I could be wrong.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want to notice it, but I did.<\/p>\n
For some reason, I always did.<\/p>\n
Please.\u00a0 This time, don\u2019t be wrong.\u00a0 I can\u2019t afford to be wrong.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I began walking the wards every day after the day I collapsed while working them.\u00a0 There was nothing else I could do and feel useful.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t fix anything that was going wrong\u2014except for\u00a0 making sure our wards were as … Continue reading