{"id":185,"date":"2011-05-20T00:00:57","date_gmt":"2011-05-20T04:00:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/?p=185"},"modified":"2011-05-20T00:00:57","modified_gmt":"2011-05-20T04:00:57","slug":"day-zero-chapter-4-marin-04","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/?p=185","title":{"rendered":"Day Zero – Chapter 4 – Marin – 04"},"content":{"rendered":"

\ufeff\ufeff\ufeff\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d\u00a0 Thom tried to push himself up on an elbow, stopping short and gasping for breath as he fell back.\u00a0 He squeezed his eyes shut, tears welling up.\u00a0 I gave him a dirty look that he didn\u2019t see and pushed slowly to my feet, limping into the waning daylight to see.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The source of the sound had been the Mackinac complex, which slowly crumbled as I watched.\u00a0 I exhaled a breath weakly, watching it come down.\u00a0 Some of the others were shouting.\u00a0 Figures were stumbling clear\u2014Kellin, J.T., the others that had been searching the rubble.\u00a0 I shivered.\u00a0 Thank god.<\/em>\u00a0 Lightning crackled in the sky.\u00a0 We were almost out of time.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWhat was that?\u201d\u00a0 The sound of wood against wood coupled with Carolyn\u2019s shout heralded her return with my brother.\u00a0 \u201cOh.\u00a0 God\u2026\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I withdrew, limping back to Thom.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWhat happened?\u201d\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t tried to get up again, but he was craning his neck to see as much as he could.\u00a0 I thanked whatever powers that were for small favors.\u00a0 Trying to get up before must have really<\/em> hurt, if he was staying down now.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cMac came down,\u201d I said quietly.\u00a0 \u201cAnd a storm\u2019s coming in.\u00a0 Looks bad.\u201d\u00a0 Knew the storm was coming.\u00a0 Probably will be bad, though not sure how bad.\u00a0 We can hope it\u2019s not as nasty as it looks\u2026<\/em>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cRunning out of time.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I nodded mutely.\u00a0 It\u2019s going to get much worse before it gets better.\u00a0 Much, much worse.<\/em>\u00a0 I closed my eyes a moment, sinking down next to Thom and hugging my knees against my chest under my blanket, opening my eyes to stare at my bare, dirty toes.\u00a0 They were cold.\u00a0 \u201cI should find some socks,\u201d I mumbled to myself.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Thom reached up, drawing a fingertip across my toes.\u00a0 I winced slightly at the touch, shivering a little.\u00a0 God<\/em>, did they hurt.\u00a0 His brow furrowed slightly, but he didn\u2019t stop running his fingers along my toes, the top of my foot; the touch was gentle, tender, even.\u00a0 After a few long moments, he pulled my blanket down across my toes, shaking his head slightly.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWhere did you lose your shoes?\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cOne\u2019s in the river, somewhere, I think.\u00a0 Other one\u2019s here, somewhere.\u00a0 Matt found a different pair for me.\u201d\u00a0 I grimaced.\u00a0 \u201cThinking I should maybe wash them before I put socks on.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cIf they\u2019re cold now, put socks on, Marin,\u201d he mumbled, closing his eyes and exhaling slowly.\u00a0 \u201cNot sure how they\u2019re cold.\u00a0 Ninety degrees today\u2026\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I looked at him.\u00a0 \u201cDoes it feel ninety degrees, Thom?\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He was quiet for a long moment.\u00a0 The temperature had been falling since the sky had turned red\u2014I was pretty willing to lay odds that it was maybe, potentially somewhere well south of seventy degrees now, probably closer to sixty at the high end.\u00a0 And my feet were cold<\/em>, but they throbbed.\u00a0 I suppose I should have been glad that they were cold, rather than feeling as if they were a more comfortable temperature.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cNo,\u201d he said quietly, \u201cit doesn\u2019t feel like ninety degrees.\u00a0 I thought it was because I was in shock, though.\u201d\u00a0 He looked up at me and grimaced, looking away again, something seeming to die inside of him in that moment.\u00a0 \u201cThey were really<\/em> wrong,\u201d he mumbled, almost to himself.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Oh, Thom.<\/em>\u00a0 I struggled not to sigh, reaching down and gently stroking his brow.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t look at me, just lay there, letting me run my fingers through his short hair, still full of masonry dust, the dark of the strands shrouded by the whitish gray of it, making it looked frosted.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Whump.<\/em>\u00a0 I startled, looking up to see Jack maneuvering the extra mattress into the shelter, starting to arrange it at a perpendicular angle to Thom\u2019s.\u00a0 I smiled weakly.\u00a0 \u201cThanks, Jack.\u00a0 Rain started yet?\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cNot yet.\u00a0 But we\u2019re trying to work quick so we\u2019re not caught in it.\u00a0 One of the guys\u2014one of your friends, I think, that Davon guy?\u2014found one of the big tents that they use for events; they\u2019re trying to pitch it so it\u2019ll give the shelters some extra cover.\u00a0 Hopefully they\u2019ll get it up before the rain gets going.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cHopefully,\u201d I echoed, then shook my head.\u00a0 \u201cFind Jacqueline, if you can. She wanted to look at Thom after he woke up.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He nodded.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll get on that ASAP.\u201d\u00a0 He jogged off.\u00a0 I was aware of the sound of metal against metal\u2014the sound of pounding pegs into the ground to pitch that tent.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Thom found my hand as I stared off in Jack\u2019s wake, squeezed my fingers gently.\u00a0 \u201cYou look like hell, Marin,\u201d he murmured.\u00a0 \u201cSure you\u2019re all right?\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You\u2019re one to talk.<\/em>\u00a0 I tried to smile.\u00a0 \u201cBest that can be expected.\u00a0 No one\u2019s really \u2018all right,\u2019 Thom.\u00a0 We\u2019re just doing acceptable jobs of faking it.\u201d\u00a0 I pushed my hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear.\u00a0 I\u2019m really glad you didn\u2019t go, though.\u00a0 I\u2019m not sure any of us would make it through this hell if you weren\u2019t here.\u00a0 Leastwise, not from what I\u2019m feeling, not from the impressions I\u2019m getting.<\/em>\u00a0 My stomach flip-flopped once, then settled.\u00a0 I took a steadying breath.\u00a0 It\u2019s what I saw years ago, but different.\u00a0 All of that makes more sense now, though.\u00a0 A lot more sense.\u00a0 People\u2026surviving things they shouldn\u2019t have survived\u2014radiation sickness kills.\u00a0 People don\u2019t live through that shit.\u00a0 This\u2026this is survivable.\u00a0 Somehow.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to make it.<\/em>\u00a0 I bit my lip, resting my chin on my knees.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cMarin?\u201d\u00a0 He was worried.\u00a0 It was in his voice, a tone rarely heard.\u00a0 He usually hid it, buried it.\u00a0 Worry was weakness in his family, and an Ambrose never showed weakness.\u00a0 That\u2019s what his father had always said, and no matter how much bitterness I\u2019d heard in Thom\u2019s voice when he talked about it, some lessons of boyhood had never left him.\u00a0 It was just the way things were.\u00a0 I took his hand again and squeezed.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 At least I know he still gives a damn.\u00a0 <\/em>I smiled down at him.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYou said you loved me.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He flinched.\u00a0 \u201cI <\/em>do love you.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cBut you can\u2019t accept what I am, my gifts.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThose I accept and you know it.\u00a0 You just can\u2019t accept the fact that I don\u2019t have the same, Marin.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cBullshit, Thom, bullshit,\u201d I spat.\u00a0 \u201cYou and I both know that you can feel and see and sense it all too.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He turned away, didn\u2019t say anything.\u00a0 I sighed, my ire cooling.<\/em>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWe fight like we\u2019re married.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 His voice was a mumble.\u00a0 \u201cStupid shit to fight over.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I bit my lip, quiet for a long moment before I came up behind him, slid my arms around his waist, pressed my face into his shoulder, sighing.\u00a0 <\/em>It\u2019s not stupid when it\u2019s a matter of survival.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t say it, though.\u00a0 Not then.\u00a0 Would I ever be able to?\u00a0 Would I be able to say it before it was too late?<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYou look like you\u2019re a thousand miles away,\u201d he murmured, eyes half-lidded.\u00a0 I shook myself.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cMaybe I was for a minute.\u201d\u00a0 I looked away, out the opening in our shelter.\u00a0 Davon and one of the camp staffers were bracing the center pole for one of the huge event tents, the tarps for it dangling limply from its tip, like some big piece of wet tissue paper on a Popsicle stick.\u00a0 They might actually get it up in time.<\/em>\u00a0 Thunder growled, closer now.\u00a0 I hope they get it up in time.<\/em>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He didn\u2019t say anything, just followed my gaze.\u00a0 What was going through his head?\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t sure I wanted to know.\u00a0 Thinking I was crazy again?\u00a0 Maybe.\u00a0 It wouldn\u2019t have surprised me at all.\u00a0 Not anymore.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Why was it so hard<\/em>?\u00a0 Why couldn\u2019t he just\u2026admit it to himself?\u00a0 Why couldn\u2019t he just accept it?
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What had caused him to run so hard and so fast away from the things we both knew he could see, the things we both knew he could do?\u00a0 Eight months, now.\u00a0 Eight months since he\u2019d started to deny it.\u00a0 We hadn\u2019t slept together in almost two.\u00a0 Maybe it was over.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want that, but it was going to be what it was going to be.\u00a0 All I could do was try to make sure he stayed alive.\u00a0 We were going to need him.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I found myself staring at him, reached down and ran my fingers through his short-cropped hair, cursing myself for the sudden stinging tears in my eyes.\u00a0 \u201cI love you, Thom,\u201d I whispered softly, barely able to say the words but at the same time unable to stop them.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Thom looked up at me.\u00a0 The ghost of a smile flitted across his features as he reached up to stroke my cheek gently with a cold thumb.\u00a0 \u201cAlways, Marin,\u201d he said softly.\u00a0 \u201cAlways.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

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\ufeff\ufeff\ufeff\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d\u00a0 Thom tried to push himself up on an elbow, stopping short and gasping for breath as he fell back.\u00a0 He squeezed his eyes shut, tears welling up.\u00a0 I gave him a dirty look that he didn\u2019t see … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-185","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-chapter-4","category-day-zero"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EBlN-2Z","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/185","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=185"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/185\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=185"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=185"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=185"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}