\u201cFour days,\u201d Neve said, holding her jacket tight around herself as she stood with me at the edge of the ravine, lips pressed together in a pale line.\u00a0 \u201cCameron\u2019s been gone for four days, Marin.\u00a0 I\u2014it\u2019s been two since\u2014since\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sure he\u2019s fine, Neve,\u201d I whispered.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sure they\u2019re both fine.\u201d\u00a0 I swallowed bile.\u00a0 I\u2019d been puking up everything I\u2019d eaten for those past few days, unable to shake the feeling that something had just gone terribly, horribly wrong.\u00a0 I\u2019d tried to tell myself it was morning sickness, but it was a lie.\u00a0 It was something else.<\/p>\n
The nightmares hadn\u2019t helped, dreams of a life my soul had lived but I hadn\u2019t, of a past that wasn\u2019t mine.\u00a0 They were images of a war that I had never fought and didn\u2019t want to remember.\u00a0 The others knew something was wrong with me, but no one pried.\u00a0 That was Thom\u2019s job, and Thom wasn\u2019t here.<\/p>\n
Please let them be okay.<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cWe need to\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe don\u2019t have the resources or manpower to send anyone else out there,\u201d I said.\u00a0 \u201cAnd I\u2019m not going to ask anyone to go out there anyway, not with the weather that\u2019s blowing in from out over the lake.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s always weather blowing in over the lake,\u201d Neve snarled, spinning away from the edge of the ravine and starting to limp toward the walls, toward the gate.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s never stopped us from sending anyone from doing anything, now has it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNeve, calm down.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d she said, turning toward me again as I jogged to catch up with her.\u00a0 \u201cNo, I will not calm down because I\u2019ve got no reason to calm down.\u00a0 Cameron is out there somewhere fighting god knows what to rescue my idiot cousin from who the hell knows.\u00a0 My back still feels like it\u2019s on bloody fire and it\u2019s been two days since that started and it can only mean that one of them is hurt badly.\u00a0 It\u2019s sure as hell not my stupid brother at this distance and intensity.\u201d<\/p>\n
I swallowed whatever I was about to say.\u00a0 She was right to worry, right to be bent out of shape.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t have any right to tell her not to be.<\/p>\n
Except that I did.\u00a0 My husband was out there, too, right alongside Cameron.\u00a0 I loved Phelan just as much as she did, despite the lack of close blood ties.\u00a0 We<\/i> were still his family, too.\u00a0 He was one of us.<\/p>\n
\u201cGoing crazy doesn\u2019t do any of us any good at this point,\u201d I said quietly.\u00a0 I reached out and touched her stomach for a bare moment before I withdrew my gloved hand.\u00a0 She winced and looked away.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m just scared,\u201d she said softly.\u00a0 \u201cI can\u2019t do this alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere is zero possibility in the universe of you having to do anything alone,\u201d I told her, sliding my arm around her shoulders.\u00a0 She sighed and leaned on me, closing her eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m so scared.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI am, too,\u201d I said.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re not alone in that, either.\u201d<\/p>\n
We stood in the snow for a long moment before she cleared her throat and asked, \u201cMarin, what are we going to do?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know, but we\u2019ll think of something.\u201d\u00a0 I exhaled a breath in a trail of steam, staring blankly as it dissipated in the chill air.\u00a0 There wasn\u2019t much more we could do.\u00a0 The gates stood open.\u00a0 The volunteers on watch were on high alert, watching for even the smallest sign of anyone\u2019s return.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t sure how much sleep Paul was getting based on how much time he spent in the watchtower, looking for some sign that Thom and Thordin, Rory, Jacqueline, Cameron, and Phelan were coming home.\u00a0 We even left the gates opeen a night, something that had some of us sleeping lightly in our beds for fear of attack, but we didn\u2019t dare close them just in case.<\/p>\n
Everything was just in case<\/i>.<\/p>\n
It was down to hoping right now, and every minute that passed, hope died a little more.<\/p>\n
\u201cCome on,\u201d I murmured.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s get back to the fire and have something hot to drink.\u00a0 Maybe I\u2019ll actually manage to keep it down this time.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou seemed like you did okay with it this morning.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo far, anyway.\u201d\u00a0 I sighed.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s hope that luck holds.\u201d<\/p>\n
They have to make it back soon.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how much more of this I can take.<\/i><\/p>\n
Neve squeezed my hand gently and we headed back to the tents and the warmth of the fire.\u00a0 At least in there, we would have company to distract us from the worst of our fears–even if we shared them with everyone around us.<\/p>\n
There was something to be said for collective distraction.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cFour days,\u201d Neve said, holding her jacket tight around herself as she stood with me at the edge of the ravine, lips pressed together in a pale line.\u00a0 \u201cCameron\u2019s been gone for four days, Marin.\u00a0 I\u2014it\u2019s been two since\u2014since\u2014\u201d \u201cI\u2019m … Continue reading