\u201cOh, Mar,\u201d she said quietly as she wrapped her arms around me and tugged me into a tight hug.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t cry, deirfi\u00far<\/i>.\u00a0 It\u2019s all right.\u00a0 I just meant\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know,\u201d I whispered with a throat so thick it was hard to speak, hard to breathe.\u00a0 \u201cI know what you meant, it\u2019s just that it\u2019s so hard<\/i>, Neve.\u00a0 It\u2019s too damned hard sometimes.\u00a0 I see people getting hurt, people maybe dying and I don\u2019t know what I can do to stop it from happening.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sure you\u2019ve heard this before, but I\u2019ll say it again.\u00a0 Nothing\u2019s set in stone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSome things are.\u201d\u00a0 I sucked in a breath and mopped at my eyes with the heel of my hand.\u00a0 \u201cThere are some things that I see over and over again in different variations.\u00a0 They\u2019re the things I know I can\u2019t stop but I can hope to maybe make better than the worst of what I\u2019ve seen.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut you can change it,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
I laughed bitterly, sagging back against the wall again.\u00a0 \u201cOnly if I can figure out how<\/i>, Neve.\u00a0 I have to figure out how before I can do anything.\u00a0 That\u2019s what\u2019s so hard.\u00a0 I never know what I can do.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHave you talked to Thom about it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSome.\u201d\u00a0 I closed my eyes, tilting my head back.\u00a0 \u201cBut there are some things I can\u2019t tell him\u2014just like there are some things he can\u2019t tell me.\u00a0 We\u2019ve learned to respect that about each other.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPhelan told me\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe knows.\u00a0 He pretends that he doesn\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0 I smiled weakly.\u00a0 \u201cIt is what it is.\u00a0 The reason Thom doesn\u2019t tell me some things is the same reason I don\u2019t tell him some things.\u00a0 Before…before the end of everything, he and I had mostly broken up.\u00a0 He thought that he was protecting me by doing that.\u00a0 All it really did was hurt.\u201d<\/p>\n
Neve blinked.\u00a0 \u201cHe thought he was protecting you?\u00a0 Did he know about your\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThom\u2019s always known,\u201d I said.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s part of why things happened between us the way that they did.\u00a0 My insistence that we could both<\/i> see things drove us apart because he was afraid.\u00a0 Truth be known, I\u2019ve always been afraid, but it didn\u2019t do me any good to dwell on that fear.\u00a0 Not back then, anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt doesn\u2019t do you any good now, either,\u201d Neve said, squeezing my arm.\u00a0 \u201cLet it go, Mar.\u00a0 Just let it go.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked away, staring at the snow.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know if I can.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTry.\u00a0 It might be easier than you think.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cOh, Mar,\u201d she said quietly as she wrapped her arms around me and tugged me into a tight hug.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t cry, deirfi\u00far.\u00a0 It\u2019s all right.\u00a0 I just meant\u2014\u201d \u201cI know,\u201d I whispered with a throat so thick it was hard … Continue reading