They lapsed into companionable silence, each staring out into the ravine, at the half-melted snow and the bare-banched trees littering the slopes.<\/p>\n
\u201cI like it out here,\u201d Carolyn said after a few moments. \u201cIt\u2019s quiet. Makes it easier to think.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIs that why you really came out here?\u201d Cameron asked. \u201cTo think?\u201d<\/p>\n
She sighed. \u201cJ.T. asked me to marry him.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cameron startled, turning to look at her. \u201cI didn\u2019t know that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo one knows that.\u201d Carolyn didn\u2019t turn to face him, just kept staring at the trees, at the ravine. \u201cI haven\u2019t said anything and as far as I know, neither has he. You\u2019re the first person besides he and I that knows.\u201d She sighed, hugging her arms across her chest, hands tucked into her armpits for warmth. \u201cI haven\u2019t given him an answer yet, either.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2014\u201d Cameron broke off, frowning. \u201cCarolyn, I haven\u2019t known you guys for very long comparatively, but from what I\u2019ve seen\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know,\u201d she interrupted. \u201cI know, I know. From what you\u2019ve seen, we work, and you\u2019re right, we do work. We really, really do. It\u2019s not that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
She exhaled a frustrated breath and shook her head. \u201cMaybe I worry too much. Maybe I\u2019m overthinking. Maybe it\u2019s a lot of shit that I shouldn\u2019t be letting myself be worried about. But I can\u2019t help it. I couldn\u2019t\u2014I just couldn\u2019t say yes right that second. I think\u2014I hope\u2014he gets that, that I need time, but I\u2019ve been thinking about it for a few days and I still…\u201d<\/p>\n
Her voice trailed away. Cameron edged a little closer to her, his brow furrowed. \u201cIt\u2019s okay not to know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIs it?\u201d Her jaw tightened slightly. \u201cThe rest of you make it look so easy sometimes. You and Neve. Jac and Phelan. Even Marin and Thom are making it look easy at this point\u2014though they had some serious rough patches.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMust have been before I knew them,\u201d Cameron said quietly.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was. On and off for a few years. Just when it looked like they were in it for the long haul about a year ago, Thom just broke up with her.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cameron blinked. I never would have suspected that.<\/em> \u201cClearly that didn\u2019t last. What happened?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe didn\u2019t go to Chicago,\u201d Carolyn said, as if that answered the question. His expression must have betrayed his confusion, because she laughed and shook her head. \u201cSorry. Sometimes I<\/em> forget that you\u2019re still pretty new to all of this.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou could say that, yes.\u201d Cameron managed a smile and shrugged slightly. \u201cSometimes I forget that you guys don\u2019t have much more history with Phelan than I do.\u201d<\/p>\n Carolyn sucked in a sharp breath, her mirth fading. Her eyes drifted back toward the ravine. \u201cThe weekend it all happened, when the world ended, Thom wasn\u2019t even supposed to be here. He\u2019d made plans to go to Chicago and visit his folks. He had a job interview down there. Marin was getting ready to leave for grad school out east. She was leaving on Monday. Thom didn\u2019t go to Chicago. He rescheduled his interview and didn\u2019t go see his parents because he realized he couldn\u2019t let Marin leave without saying good-bye to her\u2014and maybe not patching things up. I don\u2019t know exactly what was in his head, but I do know he never stopped loving her.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen why\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s their story, Cam,\u201d Carolyn said, glancing at him. A trace of sadness flitted through her expression and then was gone. \u201cIt\u2019s not my place to tell it for them. But if you ask, be careful about it. I don\u2019t think it\u2019s a sore spot anymore, but you never know with those two.\u201d<\/p>\n He nodded slowly. \u201cRight. Are you okay?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes and no,\u201d she said, uncrossing her arms so she could shove her hands back into her pockets. \u201cAm I crazy for even hesitating when it comes to Jay?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s a big decision,\u201d Cameron murmured. \u201cIt\u2019s not one that most people make lightly.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m afraid,\u201d she admitted.<\/p>\n \u201cOf what?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOf what he sees. Of what he hears.\u201d Carolyn squeezed her eyes shut. \u201cI\u2019m afraid that someday, I\u2019m going to lose him to the dead while we\u2019re both still living.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" They lapsed into companionable silence, each staring out into the ravine, at the half-melted snow and the bare-banched trees littering the slopes. \u201cI like it out here,\u201d Carolyn said after a few moments. \u201cIt\u2019s quiet. Makes it easier to think.\u201d … Continue reading