{"id":294,"date":"2011-06-10T00:00:32","date_gmt":"2011-06-10T04:00:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/?p=294"},"modified":"2012-06-09T09:47:39","modified_gmt":"2012-06-09T13:47:39","slug":"day-1-chapter-6-marin-05","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/?p=294","title":{"rendered":"Day 1 – Chapter 6 – Marin – 05"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>It was about twenty minutes or so before Kellin returned, about the same time the kettle was starting to hiss, steam escaping through the whistle-hole.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I took it off the tripod, set it on the ground near the fire.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Kellin came back with a couple of mugs and a metal ball full of tea, which she proceeded to drop into the kettle as she settled down near me.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Her clothes were dry\u2014she\u2019d changed them\u2014but she went barefoot except for the five dollar flip-flops she\u2019d gotten earlier in the summer, when she\u2019d gone shopping with Jacqueline, Carolyn, and I.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>She thrust her feet nearer to the fire, wiggling her toes, then looked at me.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cDamn cold out there in that mess, I\u2019ll tell you that.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI believe it,\u201d I murmured, still hugging my knees against my chest.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cGlad I\u2019m not venturing out in it.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>You guys are braver than I am.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>She snorted.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWe just didn\u2019t walk nearly as far as you did yesterday, that\u2019s all.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>We\u2019ve still got the legs for it\u2014and we might as well use them while we\u2019ve got them, before something <\/span>else<\/span><\/em> happens.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>She arranged the pair of mugs near the kettle.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>The tea was fragrant as it steeped in the pot.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWhat have you been seeing lately?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>You know me.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I don\u2019t really <\/span>see<\/span><\/em> anything.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I usually just feel, and all I\u2019ve really felt lately is a knowing that yesterday was an end and a beginning all at once.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I chewed my lip a little.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>How to explain it?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Everything had been so fragmentary so far, and not all of it made much sense.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cIt\u2019s dicey, at best, I think,\u201d I finally told her, rocking a little, forward and backward, resting my chin on my knee.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI can\u2019t really piece all of them together cohesively.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Something bad\u2019s going to happen with Thom if he keeps denying his abilities, I know that much.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Long, hard winter, I think, and it\u2019s going to come early.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>We\u2019ll be grateful for the greenhouses we\u2019ll be able to get up and running, that\u2019ll keep us fed.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Do I tell her about the vision of a son?\u00a0 <\/span>Of me having a son?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Or is that just\u2026was it just a dream?<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>I shook my head a little.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cLike I said.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019s all fuzzy\u2014nothing really makes a lot of sense if you try to piece it into some sort of coherent picture.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I wish it did.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cIsn\u2019t that the way it always is?\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>She sighed.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWell.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Maybe we\u2019ll be able to piece something together from them if you keep having them\u2014well.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>When you have more.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I nodded mutely.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Should I tell her about Thom?\u00a0 <\/span>About what I keep seeing about him?<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>I chewed my lip.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I wasn\u2019t sure I <\/span>wanted<\/span><\/em> to tell her about that.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I was almost afraid of what she might say.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cHaven\u2019t tried to spread the cards yet,\u201d I mumbled, pushing hair out of my face.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cAfraid of what they\u2019ll tell me.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>That this is all going to get us killed sooner rather than later.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Kellin shook her head a little, pouring the tea out into the mugs, passing one to me.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I took it, cradling it between both hands against my knee, as she settled back and began to speak.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI don\u2019t think that\u2019s what fate has planned for us, Marin.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>We survived for a reason.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Not really certain what it is, but I know we\u2019re still walking and talking for a reason\u2014why we\u2019re still breathing.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>If we were supposed to die anytime soon, we\u2019d already be dead.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Object lessons, at this point, I\u2019m thinking are a thing that would be totally lost on us.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>She slid her arm around my shoulders and hugged me gently, managing to find a smile somewhere.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cSpread the cards or don\u2019t spread the cards.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>You\u2019re seeing things.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Either way\u2026we\u2019re getting the insights we\u2019re going to need.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>She squeezed me gently and took a sip of her tea, sitting back for a moment and staring at the fire while I stared into my mug, stealing glances in her direction.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I sighed a little, taking a long swallow of the tea, letting it scald the back of my throat.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I took a shaky breath and exhaled slowly.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI hope you\u2019re right, Kel,\u201d I murmured.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I glanced back over my shoulder, toward where Thom was still sleeping, exhaling again and shaking my head.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cDo you think they\u2019re always right?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>She blinked at me.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWhat kind of question is that?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>You know what I think.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>They\u2019ve never been wrong before, have they?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI\u2019ve been wrong before,\u201d I said quietly.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cI thought the world was going to end with a nuclear attack.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I was wrong.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cBut not about the world ending.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Just about how.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>She shook her head again.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cWhat\u2019s got you so worried, Marin?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>What are you seeing that\u2019s making you ask these questions?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cNothing,\u201d I quickly lied, taking a gulp of tea, swallowing quickly and mumbling a curse at my burnt tongue.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Kellin snorted.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cYou\u2019re an awful liar about some things, Marin.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>What\u2019s wrong?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Thom?\u201d<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>She frowned as I cast a quick glance back over my shoulder again, toward our shelter.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cIt\u2019s about Thom.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Tell me, Marin.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I shook my head.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I can\u2019t.\u00a0 <\/span>What if I\u2019m right, and it\u2019ll kill him?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>But he can\u2019t die.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>We\u2019re going to have a <\/span><\/em>son<\/span>.\u00a0 <\/span>What am I going to do?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>What\u2019s right and what\u2019s wrong?<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>They can\u2019t all be right, can they?<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>I took another sip of tea and winced.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I couldn\u2019t even taste it, just knew that it was hot.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cIt\u2019s nothing, Kellin.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cIt\u2019s not nothing,\u201d she hissed, glaring at the people that seemed to have started to listen in\u2014no one we knew very well\u2014before looking back to me.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cYou wouldn\u2019t be hurting so much and starting to question yourself like this if he wasn\u2019t involved.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>So tell me what\u2019s bothering you.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I shook my head again.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>The words just wouldn\u2019t come\u2014I couldn\u2019t find them.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I swallowed again.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Kellin started at me and sighed.<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cDon\u2019t tell me, then.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Bottle it.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019ll either come out, or it\u2019ll kill you both.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What?<\/em>\u00a0 <\/span>I blinked at her. <\/span>\u00a0<\/span>\u201cWhat did you just say?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>She shook her head.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cBottling it up is like trying to rot yourselves from inside.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>If you don\u2019t let this out, if you let it fester\u2026it\u2019s not going to do either of you any good.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Festering\u2026like an open wound.\u00a0 <\/span>Guess that\u2019s what this is, after all.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>A gaping wound in our relationship.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>More than just a sore spot. <\/span><\/em>\u00a0<\/span>I rubbed at my face.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201c\u2026I just\u2026keep seeing things, Kellin.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>Things I don\u2019t want to see.\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cLike what, Mar?\u201d<\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I swallowed hard, my voice a bare whisper.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cLike Thom dying.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It was about twenty minutes or so before Kellin returned, about the same time the kettle was starting to hiss, steam escaping through the whistle-hole.\u00a0 I took it off the tripod, set it on the ground near the fire.\u00a0 … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-294","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-chapter-6","category-day-1"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EBlN-4K","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/294","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=294"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/294\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1259,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/294\/revisions\/1259"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=294"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=294"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=294"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}