{"id":300,"date":"2011-06-13T00:00:03","date_gmt":"2011-06-13T04:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/?p=300"},"modified":"2011-09-04T09:22:50","modified_gmt":"2011-09-04T13:22:50","slug":"day-1-chapter-6-marin-06","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/?p=300","title":{"rendered":"Day 1 – Chapter 6 – Marin – 06"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 She stared at me, eyes narrowing a moment before she edged closer, cradling her mug in both hands.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re sure?\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I nodded a little.\u00a0 \u201cAs sure as I can be.\u00a0 Never saw him buried\u2026never saw him actually slip away\u2026.but I saw him in the process of\u2026\u201d\u00a0 I exhaled, rubbing at my eyes, hard, as if rubbing my eyes would erase the memory of the awful vision, would stop it from happening.\u00a0 \u201cThat can\u2019t be real, Kellin.\u00a0 I can\u2019t let it be real.\u201d\u00a0 I laced my fingers through my hair, holding my head for a moment, shaking it slightly.\u00a0 \u201cI can\u2019t let it happen the way I keep seeing it happen.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 I wanted to curl up and hide, pull a blanket over my head.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t going to do anyone any good\u2026but I was pretty sure I\u2019d feel better, at least for a little while.\u00a0 A little while was all I really wanted right then.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Kellin hugged me gently as I struggled not to start crying.\u00a0 The ache inside of me didn\u2019t go away, it only grew, along with a sick feeling.\u00a0 I can\u2019t let him die.\u00a0 I just can\u2019t.<\/em>\u00a0 She was saying something reassuring, but I couldn\u2019t hear what she was saying\u2014maybe I didn\u2019t want<\/em> to hear whatever she was saying.\u00a0 I just struggled not to cry, hugging my knees against my chest.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWhatever happens tomorrow, Mar, he\u2019s still here now.\u00a0 Who knows.\u00a0 Maybe this is one of those things you\u2019re seeing so you can stop it from happening.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I looked up at her, sniffling a little.\u00a0 \u201cDo you think that\u2019s possible?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAnything\u2019s possible,\u201d she murmured back, giving me a squeeze.\u00a0 \u201cAsk any of our friends two days ago if what happened yesterday was possible.\u00a0 Things can change in a heartbeat.\u201d\u00a0 She held me at arms\u2019 length for a moment.\u00a0 \u201cBesides.\u00a0 You said you never saw us putting him in the ground.\u00a0 Who knows what path lies in front of him, and where it\u2019ll end.\u00a0 None of us.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I sniffled again.\u00a0 \u201cYou really think that\u2019s true?\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 She shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re the last person I\u2019d lie to about it, Mar.\u00a0 All I know is that things\u2019ll be what they\u2019ll be.\u00a0 You\u2019re the one who sees things.\u00a0 Remember, you thought the world was going to end with nuclear war.\u00a0 Instead we got an asteroid or something.\u00a0 Not everything that you see comes true in the way you think it\u2019s going to.\u00a0 What\u2019s going to happen is going to happen, we just make do with whatever insights we can get.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It will be what it will be.<\/em>\u00a0 I closed my eyes and took a slow breath.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t let him die.\u00a0 There was no way I was going to let him die on me.\u00a0 There was just too much that needed to be done.\u00a0 I need him too much.\u00a0 <\/em>We need him too much.\u00a0 All of us.\u00a0 Not just me.<\/em>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m going to have to get moving soon,\u201d Kellin murmured.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I nodded.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s\u2026it\u2019s okay.\u00a0 I\u2019ll be all right.\u201d\u00a0 I lifted her head and patted her foot, smiling briefly.\u00a0 \u201cReally.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 She hugged me briefly.\u00a0 \u201cHope so, Mar.\u00a0 Hope so.\u00a0 We need you, and your visions, as unpleasant as they might be.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I swallowed hard and nodded slowly.\u00a0 She was right, of course.\u00a0 I licked my lips.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll spread the cards later.\u00a0 I want you to ask the questions, though.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 After blinking, she nodded slowly.\u00a0 \u201cAll right.\u00a0 Later, we\u2019ll do it.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I stretched my hands out toward the fire, leaning forward.\u00a0 Does she know why I want her to ask the questions?\u00a0 She must.\u00a0 She must realize I\u2019m afraid of what they\u2019ll say if I ask.\u00a0 <\/em>I sighed and closed my eyes, trying to shove the fears aside.\u00a0 Those would only cloud my visions, potentially alter what the cards would tell me.\u00a0 I\u2019d see them differently if I let my fears consume me.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Focus.\u00a0 I needed to focus.\u00a0 And clarity.\u00a0 I needed both, but finding them was easier said than done.\u00a0 Stuff like that was always easier said than done. \u00a0\u00a0I looked back over my shoulder again toward where Thom was sleeping.\u00a0 My hands tightened into fists and I pulled them back from the fire.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t going to lose him\u2014couldn\u2019t lose him.\u00a0 I\u2019d make sure he survived, even if it killed me, if it killed us<\/em>.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t afford to be selfish and put our relationship above his survival.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It would mean more fights, I knew that.\u00a0 I just hoped that I could prepare myself for them.\u00a0 I just wish I knew what he\u2019d dreamed, that J.T. knew what it was so he could tell me.\u00a0 What was it that had him so badly scared he\u2019d switched from acceptance to full-on denial?\u00a0 Part of me wasn\u2019t sure I wanted to know.\u00a0 The rest of me knew that I needed<\/em> to know, if I was going to fix this.\u00a0 Otherwise, Thom\u2019s denial was liable to get him killed.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 That much, I was sure of.<\/p>\n

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\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 She stared at me, eyes narrowing a moment before she edged closer, cradling her mug in both hands.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re sure?\u201d \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I nodded a little.\u00a0 \u201cAs sure as I can be.\u00a0 Never saw him buried\u2026never saw him actually slip … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-300","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-chapter-01","category-day-1"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EBlN-4Q","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/300","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=300"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/300\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":672,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/300\/revisions\/672"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=300"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=300"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=300"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}