{"id":4112,"date":"2019-10-09T00:00:02","date_gmt":"2019-10-09T04:00:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/?p=4112"},"modified":"2019-10-08T19:42:59","modified_gmt":"2019-10-08T23:42:59","slug":"twenty-four-04-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/?p=4112","title":{"rendered":"Twenty-four – 04"},"content":{"rendered":"

[this post is from Marin’s point of view]<\/em><\/p>\n

It was enough to send a chill racing down my spine and set bile rising at the back of my throat. There were some things that logic couldn\u2019t argue against, and one of those things was unreasoning fear. If it was the beginning of what I\u2019d seen, if it was just another avenue fate was going to try to take to meet a similar ultimate end to the one I\u2019d long feared\u2014<\/p>\n

What could I do? Rail against it, of course, but that was what I\u2019d always done. Rail against it and try to stop what I could stop, mitigate what I could, and deal with what I couldn\u2019t. Deep down, I knew I couldn\u2019t\u2014wouldn\u2019t\u2014lose him. That was a kernel of truth I knew deep down in the depths of my soul, buried beneath a thousand other things, down where even fear and doubt couldn\u2019t reach it.<\/p>\n

So deep that sometimes I<\/em> couldn\u2019t even reach it.<\/p>\n

Kellin kept staring at me, her brow furrowing even more deeply than before. She reached for my arm but I drew away, hugging them more tightly against my chest, still crossed. I stared out at nothing as I faced the ravine, wrestling with the thoughts I didn\u2019t want to allow to rise to the surface, the things I didn\u2019t want to think about.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t lose him. I won\u2019t. I won\u2019t let it happen.<\/em><\/p>\n

It was the mantra that I\u2019d said over and over again this past year\u2014and longer still, even during the months when it hadn\u2019t seemed like he was mine to lose.<\/p>\n

Somehow, I\u2019d always known.<\/p>\n

\u201cMar,\u201d she said softly, gently. \u201cAre you all right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d I said, perhaps too quickly. \u201cI have no idea. No bloody clue. Maybe. Maybe.\u201d<\/p>\n

Kellin\u2019s brow furrowed even more deeply. \u201cYou don\u2019t seem like it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah. I know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen why\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t ask questions you don\u2019t want to know the answers to,\u201d I said, jaw setting. \u201cPlease.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRight,\u201d she said softly. \u201cI\u2014I\u2019ll let you think.\u201d<\/p>\n

I startled as she turned to walk away. \u201cBut I\u2019m the one\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d she said. \u201cYou need to collect your thoughts more than I do.\u201d<\/p>\n

She didn\u2019t give me time to respond before she walked away.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[this post is from Marin’s point of view] It was enough to send a chill racing down my spine and set bile rising at the back of my throat. There were some things that logic couldn\u2019t argue against, and one … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[299,329,14],"tags":[150,171,170,19,152,149,148,168,147,165,146],"class_list":["post-4112","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-book-7","category-chapter-24-book-7","category-story","tag-awakenings","tag-fantasy","tag-fiction","tag-kellin","tag-marin-astoris","tag-original-fiction","tag-post-apocalyptic","tag-serial","tag-serial-fiction","tag-story","tag-web-fiction"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EBlN-14k","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4112","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4112"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4112\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4113,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4112\/revisions\/4113"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4112"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4112"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4112"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}