{"id":4668,"date":"2021-07-19T11:09:44","date_gmt":"2021-07-19T15:09:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/?p=4668"},"modified":"2021-07-19T11:09:44","modified_gmt":"2021-07-19T15:09:44","slug":"twenty-three-03-5","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/?p=4668","title":{"rendered":"Twenty-three – 03"},"content":{"rendered":"

[This post is from Thomas Merlin Ambrose’s point of view.]<\/em><\/p>\n

I chewed on the inside of my lip, still staring at the words carved into the stone.\u00a0 I could no longer remember who\u2019d done the carving, only that it seemed all at once too much and not enough to honor and remember my parents.\u00a0 Of course, they weren\u2019t under that stone.\u00a0 I knew that now.<\/p>\n

In some ways, I think I\u2019d always known.\u00a0 For as visible as their friends\u2019 grief had been back then\u2014genuine in all cases, in fact\u2014there had been something different between some of their grief and the grief of others.\u00a0 Looking back, I could pick out who\u2019d known, who my parents had recruited into their ruse, into their plan to slip away.<\/p>\n

I even understand why they didn\u2019t tell me, why they didn\u2019t tell me the truth about what was happening\u2014why I had to figure it out for myself.<\/em><\/p>\n

That didn\u2019t stop the ache, though.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t stop the need, the wish<\/em> that they were here now so I could ask them all the questions I had, the ones I was trying to get the answers to from their journals.<\/p>\n

They saw so much, but did they write all of it down?\u00a0 I\u2019m sure they didn\u2019t.\u00a0 If they had, there would be things in these journals that aren\u2019t there\u2014and I know they\u2019re not there because I\u2019ve looked.<\/em><\/p>\n

Carolyn slid an arm around me, hugging me gently\u2014clearly trying not to hurt me any more than I was already hurt.\u00a0 \u201cAre you okay?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d I said.\u00a0 \u201cAnd no.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what to do.\u00a0 I keep thinking that they would.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey didn\u2019t always,\u201d she murmured.\u00a0 \u201cBut they faked it really well.\u00a0 Almost everyone thought that they had it all together but…\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut.\u201d<\/p>\n

She smiled.\u00a0 \u201cExactly.\u00a0 Some of us knew.\u00a0 The rest didn\u2019t, and it was safer that way.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSafer,\u201d I echoed softly.\u00a0 \u201cAnd kinder.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIn a lot of ways, yes.\u201d<\/p>\n

I closed my eyes, head dipping toward my chest.\u00a0 She drew me toward her and I leaned against her, ignoring the ribbons of fire that shot through my arm and shoulder.<\/p>\n

\u201cI want to find them, Aunt Caro,\u201d I whispered.<\/p>\n

\u201cThen I\u2019m sure you will,\u201d she whispered back.\u00a0 \u201cYou can do anything you set your mind to, Lin.\u00a0 Anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEven finding people who might not want to be found?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI think they always knew that you\u2019d eventually come looking,\u201d she said.\u00a0 \u201cOnce you figured it out or we told you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhichever came first?\u201d<\/p>\n

She smiled sadly, nodding.\u00a0 \u201cYeah.\u00a0 There were moments when I know I wanted to tell you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy didn\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause it wasn\u2019t the right time.\u00a0 Not yet.\u201d<\/p>\n

I just nodded, leaning against her, staring at the stone.\u00a0 Somehow, I\u2019d find them.\u00a0 I just wasn\u2019t sure how.<\/p>\n

But I would, no matter what it took.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[This post is from Thomas Merlin Ambrose’s point of view.] I chewed on the inside of my lip, still staring at the words carved into the stone.\u00a0 I could no longer remember who\u2019d done the carving, only that it seemed … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[336,337,373,14],"tags":[340,150,163,171,170,149,148,168,147,165,200,146],"class_list":["post-4668","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ambrose-cycle","category-book-8","category-chapter-23-book-8","category-story","tag-ambrose-cycle","tag-awakenings","tag-carolyn-roberts","tag-fantasy","tag-fiction","tag-original-fiction","tag-post-apocalyptic","tag-serial","tag-serial-fiction","tag-story","tag-thomas-merlin-ambrose","tag-web-fiction"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EBlN-1di","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4668","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4668"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4668\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4669,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4668\/revisions\/4669"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4668"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4668"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4668"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}