{"id":711,"date":"2011-09-26T00:00:28","date_gmt":"2011-09-26T04:00:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/?p=711"},"modified":"2011-09-21T15:14:58","modified_gmt":"2011-09-21T19:14:58","slug":"day-15-chapter-10-marin-09","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/?p=711","title":{"rendered":"Day 15 – Chapter 10 – Marin – 09"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cShe\u2019s the one that suddenly dropped everything before the asteroid\u2026\u201d\u00a0 My voice trailed away and I stared at him, mind struggling to process the implications of what I was about to say.\u00a0 She dropped everything and drove to god knows where a week before all of this happened.\u00a0 Went off the grid.\u00a0 I remember Thom mentioning it and laughing, not knowing what to make of it.\u00a0 Blamed it on that guy she\u2019d been seeing.<\/em>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The guy that was supposed to start teaching <\/em>here for the fall semester.<\/em>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Shit and goddamn.<\/em>
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t quite<\/em> sure what it all meant, but the math in my brain led me to believe that it was all a little fishy.\u00a0 Like they\u2019d somehow known something we hadn\u2019t.\u00a0 Then again, we\u2019d known something most of the rest of the world hadn\u2019t, we just hadn\u2019t realized what it meant until it was too late.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Some of the fear had melted out of his expression as he stared at me, apparently watching me try to work out possible conclusions about what all of this could mean.\u00a0 \u201cAbout a week before,\u201d he said quietly, brow furrowing.\u00a0 \u201cHe got a letter from her, but I don\u2019t think he ever read it.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He did?\u00a0 And didn\u2019t read it?\u00a0 That\u2019s not like him.<\/em>\u00a0 \u201cThat doesn\u2019t sound like her.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019d met Kira a few times, usually when she cooked Thanksgiving dinner in her loft in the city.\u00a0 Thom liked going there more than he liked spending his holidays with his parents, and I couldn\u2019t blame him for that one bit.\u00a0 She\u2019d always been nice to me, a few years older than he or I, and just finishing her Ph.D at the University of Chicago.\u00a0 \u201cDropping everything and just going, I mean.\u00a0 Not calling.\u00a0 All of that.\u201d\u00a0 I frowned.\u00a0 \u201cShe\u2019s like a sister to him.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 J.T. shrugged a little.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u00a0 Maybe they talked on the phone while I wasn\u2019t around.\u00a0 Maybe she convinced him he was going to do something idiotic by leaving without saying good-bye to you.\u00a0 I just\u2026I don\u2019t know, Mar.\u00a0 But he didn\u2019t seem all that worried.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll have to ask him,\u201d I murmured.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWhy?\u201d\u00a0 J.T. swallowed, shaking his head.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know that you should.\u00a0 I really don\u2019t know that it\u2019s a good idea.\u00a0 I mean, what if she said that she\u2019d decided to stay in the city?\u00a0 Or that she was coming up for the weekend or something?\u00a0 I mean\u2026Mar, she could be dead.\u201d\u00a0 He swallowed hard, looking away again.\u00a0 \u201c\u2026even though I don\u2019t think she is.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I just stared at him wordlessly for a moment.\u00a0 He squirmed uncomfortably, something I\u2019d only seen him do once or twice in all the years I\u2019d known him.\u00a0 Big, bad Jameson Thaddeus MacKenzie was never<\/em> uncomfortable, and if he ever was, he never showed it.\u00a0 He\u2019d always laughed about doing crazy shit while he was high, or seeing things while working as a paramedic, that made him pretty much immune to being uncomfortable.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 But now here he was, squirming like a virgin on a prison bus.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cJay,\u201d I said softly.\u00a0 \u201cIf you\u2019re going to tell someone, you might as well tell me.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He looked at me square after a moment, then shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m not sure I want to tell anyone.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I squeezed his hand tightly and he sighed.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cIf I don\u2019t, you\u2019re going to tell me it\u2019s going to eat me up inside, aren\u2019t you?\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cIf you don\u2019t tell someone?\u00a0 I think it might, Jay.\u00a0 I really do.\u00a0 Tell me, tell Carolyn, tell Kel\u2026but tell someone<\/em>.\u00a0 Talk to someone.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t want to tell Carolyn,\u201d he mumbled.\u00a0 \u201cShe\u2019s got enough on her plate already.\u00a0 Enough stress.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Don\u2019t we all?\u00a0 And here I am sitting here, trying to take on more.\u00a0 There\u2019s got to be something wrong with me.<\/em>\u00a0 \u201cThen tell Kel or I about it, Jay.\u00a0 Tell someone.\u00a0 You don\u2019t need to shoulder whatever this is all by yourself.\u00a0 I mean\u2026she already knows it\u2019s bothering you and bothering you a lot.\u00a0 Are you getting any rest with these dreams?\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYeah.\u201d\u00a0 He cracked a smile.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, even with fucked up dreams, I\u2019m still waking up feeling like I\u2019ve gotten solid sleep.\u00a0 That\u2019s not a problem.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Not yet.<\/em>\u00a0 I tried to shake off the morbid thoughts, then exhaled.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s at least a small blessing.\u00a0 Probably a pretty big one.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He laughed weakly, nodding.\u00a0 \u201cYeah.\u00a0 Yeah, that\u2019s something, at least.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got enough people not sleeping well.\u201d\u00a0 He stared at me for a moment, frowning.\u00a0 \u201cAre you all right?\u00a0 Sleeping okay?\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYeah, I\u2019m good.\u201d\u00a0 I squeezed his hand again, smiling. \u00a0\u201cBut I appreciate the concern.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth and he nodded a little.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re welcome to it.\u00a0 Distracts me from what I\u2019m afraid of.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I stared up at him, chewing the inside of my lip.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019re you afraid of, Jay?\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He let go of my hand and leaned forward, resting his elbows against his knees.\u00a0 He stared at his hands and spoke in a voice that was barely above a whisper.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m afraid that I\u2019m seeing ghosts\u2026and I\u2019m afraid that I can\u2019t control that.\u201d\u00a0 A tremor entered his voice.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAnd if I can\u2019t control that, how long will it be before it<\/em> controls me<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cShe\u2019s the one that suddenly dropped everything before the asteroid\u2026\u201d\u00a0 My voice trailed away and I stared at him, mind struggling to process the implications of what I was about to say.\u00a0 She dropped everything and drove to god … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,27],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-711","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-chapter-10","category-day-15"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EBlN-bt","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/711","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=711"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/711\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":743,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/711\/revisions\/743"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=711"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=711"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=711"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}