{"id":717,"date":"2011-09-28T00:00:06","date_gmt":"2011-09-28T04:00:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/?p=717"},"modified":"2011-09-15T20:29:59","modified_gmt":"2011-09-16T00:29:59","slug":"day-15-chapter-10-marin-10","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/?p=717","title":{"rendered":"Day 15 – Chapter 10 – Marin – 10"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s what I\u2019m afraid of, y\u2019know?\u201d\u00a0 He swallowed hard, fingers fidgety, flexing and unflexing, curling and uncurling around each other.\u00a0 \u201cThat somehow, I\u2019ll stop being in control of myself.\u00a0 I see what having those visions does to you and Thom.\u00a0 It\u2019s like you\u2019re not even here for a few minutes.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want that to happen to me.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cOh, Jay,\u201d I sighed.\u00a0 I slid an arm around his shoulders and squeezed him tightly.\u00a0 He took a shuddering breath and shook his head.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI didn\u2019t ask for this, Mar.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t ask for this.\u00a0 Why now<\/em>?\u00a0 Why did they\u2026why did I\u2026\u201d\u00a0 He set his jaw, a muscle at the corner twitching as his nostrils flared with a deep breath.\u00a0 \u201cI thought we were going to die, the three of us, when those things got us surrounded.\u00a0 They were about the ugliest motherfuckers I\u2019ve ever seen.\u00a0 I just held onto Care and prayed with every fiber of my being that it wasn\u2019t the end for us.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 A shudder ran through him and I held on tighter.\u00a0 He glanced at me, expression tight.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d been seeing misty shadows all afternoon that day.\u00a0 I thought the light and my eyes were playing tricks on me, but I was wrong.\u00a0 I think I was starting to see them a few hours before I realized what it was I was seeing.\u201d\u00a0 His expression softened for a moment.\u00a0 \u201cThey were the dead, and they came to protect us from those things that were ready to rip us apart.\u00a0 One of them talked to me.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 My stomach felt hollowed out, left cold and empty by the pain and fear in his voice.\u00a0 Oh, J.T.\u00a0 I\u2019m so sorry.<\/em>\u00a0 \u201cWho was it?\u201d\u00a0 I whispered.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cConstance.\u00a0 Someone from the theatre.\u00a0 Nice girl, good friend, good<\/em> actress.\u201d\u00a0 His eyes misted and a shiver went through him.\u00a0 \u201cWhy can I see them, Mar?\u00a0 Why me?\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u00a0 Why any of us?\u00a0 It\u2019s just\u2026how it is.\u00a0 It\u2019s what\u2019s happening, and we can\u2019t do anything to change that.\u201d\u00a0 I wrapped my free hand around one of his and squeezed.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s a gift<\/em>, Jay, even if it feels like a curse.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cIs it?\u201d he rasped, closing his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cThom doesn\u2019t seem to think it is.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWell, we\u2019re both agreed that Thom\u2019s kind of stupid about this stuff.\u201d\u00a0 I managed to smile and squeezed him again.\u00a0 He let out a weak, bitter laugh, then nodded.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYeah,\u201d he murmured.\u00a0 \u201cI guess so.\u00a0 But that doesn\u2019t stop me from sharing his doubts about whether or not this is a gift.\u00a0 I\u2019m scared, Mar, and you know I don\u2019t admit to that very often.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI know,\u201d I said softly.\u00a0 \u201cI know you don\u2019t.\u00a0 And I\u2019m pretty sure it\u2019s okay to be scared.\u00a0 I\u2019d be scared.\u201d\u00a0 I shook my head a little.\u00a0 \u201cJay, you have to realize that for Kel and I and some of the others\u2026we\u2019ve had time to get used to seeing and feeling and being, and we can help you get used to it, too, but the only person who can master your fear\u2026that\u2019s you.\u00a0 We\u2019re all scared sometimes.\u00a0 I know I am.\u00a0 I just don\u2019t let it control me, and that\u2019s probably key for you, too.\u00a0 You can control this.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how<\/em>, but I know that you can, because you\u2019re stronger than your fear.\u00a0 You always have been.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He sighed deeply, glancing up toward the trees again, then nodded.\u00a0 \u201cYeah,\u201d he finally said, voice quiet.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re right.\u00a0 I know you\u2019re right.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cDoesn\u2019t make it any less scary, though, right?\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He laughed.\u00a0 \u201cRight.\u201d\u00a0 He took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly.\u00a0 \u201c\u2026the dead saved our lives, Mar.\u00a0 When those things were chasing us.\u00a0 What the hell were<\/em> they, anyway?\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I shook my head.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think any of us know, just that they\u2019re bad.\u00a0 Thom\u2026Thom once told me he\u2019d seen them before he ever met me, but that was before he started denying everything.\u00a0 It was that night when he and Drew and I went hiking in the ravines a few years ago.\u201d\u00a0 I could still remember that night vividly.\u00a0 I\u2019d lost a pendant, a Celtic knot pendant, which my grandmother had given me when I was still very small.\u00a0 It\u2019d been important to me\u2014but it also stopped one of those things from getting its claws into the three of us.\u00a0 I\u2019d seen it, in snatches and glimpses, and Drew had felt it.\u00a0 Thom had gotten the full effect, seeing it clear as day.\u00a0 We\u2019d tried not to talk about it after that night, and it only came up occasionally.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019d never found the pendant again, even though I\u2019d looked for it, and finally gave up on it as lost, a sacrifice that I was convinced had probably saved our lives.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cIf I ever see one of them again, it\u2019ll be too soon.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I shuddered, nodding.\u00a0 \u201cYeah.\u00a0 Me too.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He looked at me, expression grim.\u00a0 \u201cI think we\u2019re going to see them again, though.\u00a0 A lot.\u00a0 I think they\u2019re gunning for us.\u201d
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly.\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 Me too.<\/em>\u00a0 I just squeezed him again and stared at the trees.\u00a0 The storm in my stomach wouldn\u2019t let me answer him.
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I think he knew I agreed with him all the same.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s what I\u2019m afraid of, y\u2019know?\u201d\u00a0 He swallowed hard, fingers fidgety, flexing and unflexing, curling and uncurling around each other.\u00a0 \u201cThat somehow, I\u2019ll stop being in control of myself.\u00a0 I see what having those visions does to you and … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,27],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-717","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-chapter-10","category-day-15"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EBlN-bz","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/717","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=717"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/717\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":720,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/717\/revisions\/720"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=717"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=717"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/awakenings.embklitzke.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=717"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}