[This post is from Marin’s point of view.]
Hecate had fallen asleep again when I left, a little calmer and more centered than she’d been when I’d gotten there. I hated to settle things on her shoulders this fast, but telling that someday, I wouldn’t be there to look after my son, that I might need her to fill some sort of void in his life, that seemed to help. I hoped she’d stay—not just because it would mean that Matt would stay, but because I was starting to like her, despite everything she’d put people through over the centuries.
Lin had made a few quiet, unhappy sounds when I’d gently lifted him from her arms as she was falling asleep, but he’d quieted quickly. I guess he was starting to take a liking to his auntie, too. He needed to be fed soon, but he didn’t seem hungry yet so I’d figured it could wait until I found J.T. And asked him to go have a look at Hecate. I’d been able to tell that she was in pain, more than she’d been when I’d been there with Matt, and I’d noticed the little bit of blood on her shirt. Whether she wanted him there or not, J.T. needed to have a look for everyone’s peace of mind and probably her health, too.
“Mar?”
I stopped and turned, halfway toward the grassy field below the forge. Something had sounded strange in Thom’s voice and it made my heart stutter-step.
What now?
He came toward me quickly, wrapping both arms around Lin and I and leaning in to kiss me soundly. I made a quiet sound of surprise and distress, blinking rapidly. The kiss was enough to take my breath away and while it certainly wasn’t unwelcome, it left me startled.
I stared at him when he drew back, his arms loosening slightly. “What was that for?”
Thom shook his head. “I don’t do it often enough,” he murmured, lifting a hand to gently stroke our son’s hair. He stared at our baby for the space of a few heartbeats before he looked up at me. “I’m sorry I startled you.”
“It’s okay, I mean…startling me is all it did.” I reached up to stroke his jaw lightly. “What’s wrong?”
He shook his head. “I was looking at the walls with Seamus.”
“And?”
Thom shook his head again and drew Lin and I to his chest, hugging us close. I exhaled, a shiver running through me.
And now he’s scared and god only knows why.
“It’ll be okay,” I said.
“Will it?”
“Won’t it?” I kissed his jaw gently. “We’ve made it this far. Almost a year and look at what we’ve faced and turned back. Look at what we’ve built.”
“I know,” he whispered. “Mar, I know, and that’s what’s got me worried. Look at everything we’ve built and think about it—really think. Despite everything, we’re still fragile, we’re still vulnerable—and we’re a target. Damn it all, we’re a target and I don’t know how we’re going to keep everyone safe. I don’t know if we can.”
“We have to. We’ll find a way.”
He just held me a little tighter and suddenly I realized what was bothering him.
“You don’t have to do it alone,” I whispered into his shirt.
“Yeah, I do,” he murmured. “I’m the one who has to figure this one out. It’s my job—it’s what I took on myself for the sake of everyone else. This one’s on me, Mar, whether I like it or not.”
I ached to argue the point—I wanted to tell him it wasn’t the way he thought it was—but I’d known him long enough to at least begin to realize when he needed to figure things out for himself.
This was one of those times and this was one of those things. He wouldn’t accept that it wasn’t just on his shoulders until it smacked him full in the face.
Instead, I just held him and let him hold me, standing at the bottom of the hill somewhere between the gates, the cookfires, and the forge. Sometimes, that was all that he needed. I didn’t think that it would be this time, but it was something that I could give him—something he needed even if it wasn’t everything.
“I love you, Thom,” I whispered. “And I trust you and I believe in you.”
He shivered and held on a little tighter. “I love you, too, Mar. I love you, too.”
