J.T. scrambled after me and caught up before I’d gone more than a dozen steps.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” he demanded quietly. “Matt’s trying to be proactive about shit and you’re throwing it back in his face.”
I shook my head. “I’m not doing that.”
“You are. Aren’t you the one who said something about everyone needing to learn how to defend themselves in the first place?”
“You’re confusing me with my husband. We are still two distinct individuals.”
J.T. snorted humorlessly and shook his head. “Believe me, I’m more than well aware of that. What’s eating at you, Mar?”
“Damned if I know,” I muttered, squeezing my eyes shut for a bare moment. “This isn’t like me.”
“No, it’s not—hence the concern.” J.T. touched my shoulder lightly. “I know that the fighting didn’t go as planned…”
“It’s not that.” But was it what I saw in the middle of all of that? Maybe. My lips thinned and I stayed quiet as we walked to the row of holly bushes that marked the edge of the settlement. They’d filled out nicely since we planted them, thick and full, all bright green leaves and red berries against rough wooden stems.
“Are you sure it’s not?”
“I’m sure.” I tried to stifle a sigh as I crouched in the snow to snip off a few sprigs of holly from the first bush. “Maybe I’m just out of sorts, Jay. I don’t think it’s a different kind of out of sorts from usual, though.”
“And that has absolutely nothing to do with the fight that we just won?”
I winced. “Maybe it does. I almost got Phelan killed.”
“How do you figure?”
“If I hadn’t suggested he walk out there and assassinate Cariocecus, he would’ve been safely behind the walls with the rest of us and he wouldn’t have gotten hurt. This time it was my fault he got hurt and that sucks. It sucks pretty hard.”
J.T. winced. “But he seems pretty okay now.”
“I wouldn’t know,” I murmured. “I haven’t seen him.”
“He’s not avoiding you.”
“Are you sure about that?”
J.T. smiled wryly. “Fairly. We went hunting for Thom earlier to put a bug in his ear. And Thordin, and your brother. Not entirely certain why—I think he was going a little crazy cooped up in the room.”
I shook my head slowly. “Jacqueline said that she didn’t think he’d be up for a couple days. What the hell happened? Did she manage to heal him more than she thought she’d be able to?”
He winced again. “Not…quite.” He crouched down next to me, his voice quiet. “There…there was a ghost.”
I straightened slightly, blinking at him. “A ghost?” Again? Is he some kind of magnet for all things weird? I was beginning to think that he was—he had to be, given everything that had happened to him over the course of a lifetime, even in the course of the short term. “What kind of ghost?”
“The unsettling but not terrifying kind,” J.T. said with a wry smile. “He knew who she was when I told him her name. She…I don’t know if she was actually a ghost or some kind of spirit, Mar, but she healed him more than Jac had managed. I don’t understand what kind of power it was that she used, but I could feel it in my bones.”
My brow furrowed and I stared at nothing for a long moment, fingers curling around the shears in one hand and a holly branch in the other. “There’s too many players in this game,” I said quietly. “I don’t like it, Jay.”
“I’m more worried about the day we know who all of them are, Mar. That’s the day we don’t have any hope left.”
“How do you figure?”
J.T. shook his head, smiling grimly. “That’s the day we don’t have any more happy surprises coming to save the day.”
I had to admit that he was right. When he put it that way, I wasn’t sure I liked the idea of knowing it all, either.
“Well,” I finally said quietly. “I guess we have to hope that day never comes.”
“Exactly.” J.T. squeezed my shoulder and straightened. “Do you need any help?”
“No,” I murmured quietly. “I think I’m okay. Tala and Thom might, though. Thom was trying to wrangle her into making something a little more festive for dinner the next few nights.”
J.T. grinned. “I think I can help with that.” He squeezed my shoulder one more time before he lumbered away. I sat back against my heels in the snow and watched him walk away.
Everything was starting to change again and I wasn’t sure if I liked it one bit.
