We found the second cookfire abandoned except for J.T., who sat next to it with both hands wrapped around a mug of something steaming, a blanket pulled tight around his shoulders. I blinked in surprise to see him and he glanced up toward us at our approach, looking tired and haggard with deep, bruise-colored shadows beneath his eyes.
“You look like shit,” I said.
“I feel like it, too.” He stretched a little and watched as Neve and I settled down next to the fire across from him. “What brings you ladies to my quiet corner of the tent?”
“What brings you all the way out here? Usually you’re by the other fire.”
“Not today,” he said. “I was out in the mess and this fire was closer to where I came back inside. The rest are all off doing god knows what, which means I have a few minutes of peace.”
Take it when and where you can get it, I guess.
“You sound like you’re being pulled in as many directions as Thom and Marin,” Neve said as she settled in and gazed longingly at the kettle that sat near the fire. I took pity on her and poured two cups of the hot, strong tea, one for each of us. She took her mug and cradled it much like J.T., peering over the rim toward him.
“A little bit,” J.T. admitted, casting a wary glance in my direction. “For all the ghosts keep telling me they can’t help us anymore, they’re certainly still around and chatty.”
I shivered slightly. “Including Ériu, I’m guessing?” I didn’t want to be hateful or be uncomfortable because I knew she was still lurking around. That wasn’t what I wanted at all, especially because she had been so important to Phelan in the past and having her spirit near was such a comfort to him.
At the same time, I couldn’t help but get the shivers every time I thought about her, if only because I’d raised her from a child in another life, a life I could see in dreams and snatches of memory.
She’s not leaving until the children are born. I glanced toward Neve. Maybe not even for a long time after.
Can you handle that eventuality, Marin? Can you do it? I bit my lip. I wasn’t sure that I could.
“Do you want me to lie and say no?” J.T. asked, staring at me over the fire and the rim of his mug. I managed to smile.
“No,” I said softly. “There are just some things I have to accept and her presence, I guess, is just one of those things. It’s just hard and strange.”
“She understands that,” J.T. said. “That’s why she tries not to stay too near when you’re with him. But she loves him and she wants to protect him, too. Just like she wants to protect you and Thom an the children.”
“Of course,” I murmured, staring at the fire. Neve reached over and squeezed my arm.
“Some things are still hard, huh? Even for you.”
I laughed weakly. “Yeah. Even for me.” Especially for me, since I can see some of the paths twisting, where they’ll go.
Especially for me who dreams more of the past and the future than the present and fears what tomorrow may hold because of all I’ve seen and all I know.
I took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly, looking toward Neve and trying to master my storming thoughts. “So,” I said with a measure of forced cheer. “Tell me about how Thordin came back from the dead.”
Neve looked stricken for a moment, then started to laugh.
