Sif stared at his retreating back for a long moment, her lips barely moving as she finally voiced a question, one directed almost accusatorially at Phelan.
“You told him I slept with his brother?”
“It wasn’t me,” Phelan said quietly. “Though I won’t deny that I knew about it. The first I’d seen of him was when he showed up with Neve.”
Thom wasn’t quite sure if it was a lie or not. He slid his arm around Marin’s shoulders and pulled her tight against his side. “Come on,” he murmured. “Let’s get ourselves someplace warmer than out here in the wind.”
She leaned into his embrace, glancing back toward Phelan and Sif as Thom turned her away, back toward the gates. “She looks like he just ripped her guts out,” she whispered, barely loud enough for him to hear what she’d said. “I can’t imagine what making that choice would have been like.”
He shuddered and held her a little tighter. “You and I will never know,” he said, kissing her temple. Loss, though…we may know that. I just hope that we never will.
Thom squeezed his eyes shut briefly. Dreams had been stirring again, coming in the very darkest, deepest depths of the night, the same dreams that had made him push her away in the past, the dreams that made him fearful of a future where the two of them were together.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Yeah,” he lied, suppressing a shiver. “I’m fine.”
“Thom.”
“Mar, don’t ask me,” he said, shaking his head slightly, staring at their feet. “Don’t ask me when you know I’m not okay but I haven’t said anything and then expect me not to lie about it. I love you, but sometimes there are things that I just…that I can’t bring myself to say.”
“This is about something you’re seeing.”
He squeezed his eyes shut. “Yeah. Something I don’t want to talk about.”
“We made a promise, Thom.”
“One you and I have both broken already.” He opened his eyes and stared at her. “Don’t tell me that there aren’t things that you’ve held back, that you’ve kept from me.”
She looked away and that told him all he needed to know. He just nodded slightly and squeezed her a little tighter against his ribcage. Those ribs still ached sometimes when the wind blew at its coldest, when the pressure shifted with the coming of a storm. Sometimes, he wondered if they always would.
The rest of the time, he knew it didn’t matter.
“Are they as bad as what I’ve been keeping from you?” he asked in a bare whisper.
Her shoulders rose and fell in a shrug. “I don’t know. What have you been keeping from me?”
“I keep seeing you dying.” The words came out choked, pain blooming in his chest even as he voiced them. “I thought that we had done enough to change that future, but I still keep seeing it. I can’t…Mar, I can’t lose you.”
She stiffened and looked up at him. “When?”
“What do you mean when?”
“When do you see it happening?” She stopped and turned toward him, took his face between her gloved palms. “When do you see it happening?”
“I—when our son is maybe twelve, thirteen. I don’t know.”
“I’m not going to die then, Thom.” She stood on tip-toe and kissed him soundly, holding him tightly for a moment in the weak light of dawn. “I’m not going to die then.”
Her breath was warm against his ear and for a moment, he dared to hope that maybe, just maybe, she was right.
“But I keep seeing it,” he said in a broken voice. “Why do I keep seeing it?”
“I don’t know,” she said as her fingers laced through his hair. “But we’ll figure that out together.”
Thom wrapped his arms around his wife’s waist and held her tightly, squeezing his eyes shut against the bitter, stinging tears that threatened. “We can’t unravel this riddle fast enough Trust me on that.”
She shivered and his arms tightened. Something in his gut told him that despite her reassurances, she was as shaken as he was by the revelation.
What the hell does she know that she’s not telling me?
“You two all right?” Phelan asked as he limped past them, Sif drifting in his wake.
“Yeah,” Thom said. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”
Phelan studied him a moment before nodding. “Right. Well, Matt was getting some breakfast set and I don’t know about the two of you, but I’m starving and I’d rather get to the oatmeal before Thordin eats it all.”
Thom managed to laugh, hoping it didn’t sound strangled as he did. “Right.”
“Everything will be fine,” Marin murmured into his chest even as Thom watched Phelan and Sif continue back toward the gate.
“Right,” Thom said again, his heart giving a painful squeeze. “You’re right.”
If you’re not, what’s the point in fighting for anything anymore?
I don’t want to live in this world if you’re not in it.
Her arms loosened from around him and she stepped back, eyes shining in the dim. Marin smiled and Thom smiled back.
“I love you.”
She took him by the hand and led him back toward home.
That must be rough; thinking you know when your love is going to die. Does Marin know when she is to die? geeez, another hard one. This new earth is one hard place to survive or even just live.
Thanks for the new post. Love this story.