Thirty-five – 07

It took a few minutes before he realized he really could feel her soul and it was nearly enough to stop his heart in his chest right then and there. Ghosts he could handle, but this?

“Don’t be afraid,” Ériu’s voice whispered in his ear.

“Jesus pancake-flipping Christ,” J.T. whispered. It was hard to breathe and his hands were shaking now. “I never—I haven’t—” He sucked in a sharp breath, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Jay, are you all right?” Thordin asked quietly.

J.T. shook his head. “No, I don’t think I am.”

“You ask too much of him,” Sif murmured. “Untested, untrained. You ask too much.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” J.T. said, another shudder wracking him. He laid his hands on Thesan’s still form again. Show me, Ériu. Show me what I need to do.

“It works by feel,” she said. He felt the chill of her presence settle closer still. Her spectral hand brushed against his temple and it was all he could do not to flinch away. “Trust me, Jameson.”

“I do,” he murmured. “It’s myself I don’t quite trust.”

It was like wrapping her soul in a blanket, like swaddling a newborn. That was the sense he got as he let Ériu guide him. It felt strange, left his skin crawling slightly. He didn’t like it.

“Never ask me to do this again, Thordin,” he said firmly as he finished, limbs feeling like jelly. “It doesn’t set right with me.”

“Hopefully, we’ll never have to,” Thordin said, lips a thin, pale slash. “Is it done?”

J.T. nodded mutely, sitting back against his heels. As done as I can make it.

“You did well, Jameson.”

He didn’t bother to suppress his shudder. Once and never again, Ériu. Once and never, ever again. It’s a good thing I can shave without looking in a mirror, because I’ve got no idea how I’m going to face myself after this.

The chill of her embrace enfolded him and he sagged, glad that at least one of them understood.

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