Phelan came back with a cup of steaming, fragrant tea and stopped in the doorway, staring at me, at the look on my face. His brows knit and he came to six next to me on the bed.
“I’m sorry,” he said as he pressed the mug into my hand. “I know you don’t want to do this.”
“It’s not that,” I whispered, taking the mug and cradling it between my palms, letting my deck rest in my lap, out of hand but not forgotten. I exhaled a weak sigh. “It’s not that I don’t want to answer whatever questions you have, Phelan, whatever you need me to answer—it’s not that at all. I’m afraid of what they’ll tell me and that I’ll have to give you terrible, awful news. That’s why I’m reluctant about this.”
“Maybe it won’t be bad,” he said, a hint of faint hope to his voice. I laughed weakly.
“When has that ever been the case?”
“Well, there’s a first time for everything, leánnan.”
I smiled at him and kissed his cheek. “That’s true. Maybe I should be more optimistic.”
“It’d be a start.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and squeezed me against him for a second. I sighed, slumping slightly. He smelled of herbs and pine needles and woodsmoke and in that moment, I missed Thom terribly.
“They can’t come home soon enough,” I said.
Phelan looked down at me, eyes crinkling at the corners. “You’re missing Thom?”
“A lot all of a sudden,” I said. “They haven’t been gone that long.” What am I going to do when the day comes when he’s gone for weeks or months at a time? This is just a short trip, a scouting run.
If I’m feeling this way, what about the others? Neve and Leinth must be feeling as badly—or worse. And then Carolyn…
I shook my head and mustered up a smile. “I’ll be fine,” I assured him. “Don’t worry about that.”
Phelan gave me a crooked smile and nodded. “I know it’s not easy, leánnan. It wouldn’t be love if it was.”
I laughed. “How would you know?”
“Because I’m finally in it.” He squeezed me again and let go. “Do you need a few minutes?”
“No,” I said. “Just a few sips of tea. Get your questions ready.”
My fingers brushed against the cards and a strange tremor went through me.
They were ready to be read, whether I liked it or not.
